Friday, August 12, 2011

I Miss My Sisters

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

This might just become a routine -- you know, writing (more like venting) before bed. The last 2 posts that have the word 'bed' in it were written via my iphone. But this time, Im writing with my laptop.

Four days from now, two of my sisters are coming home from overseas. And I can't wait! The last time Aliya was home was the end of last year, Aimi has been in Japan for approx 4 months.

Im feeling a wee bit emotional this night. I want my sisters. I need my sisters :(

The news I got from my supervisor at around 4pm has just got to me. I kept my cool when she told me, but its been eating my heart out bit by bit since petang tadi. And now, when Im alone (everyone else dah tido), the emotions Ive been repressing has finally found its way out. And I need a long hard hug.

How wonderful it would be to become a child again, innocent, young and free of problems.

I miss my sister.

Like my post in FB, Ive had my fair share of disappointments this year. In fact, not just this year, for the last two years. Lots of crying myself to sleep, lying awake thinking in the dark, private crying sessions, private therapy sessions with myself, private crying sessions with Allah. Its been a tough 2 years.

Tests and tests of patience and strength, one after the other. Disappointments, failure, rejection, another disappointment, bad news here and there, another failure, more lost hope.

Don't be fooled with my smiles. You don't know how I actually feel inside, what Im going thru. And my way of venting is just thru this lonely blog of mine. And noticing how rarely I write, it goes to show how rarely I get to vent out.

And yet, we are taught to never loose hope with Allah's Rahmah, His Love and His Barakah. What He makes us go thru are tests of our Iman, reminders for us, for me.

During the course of these couple of years, there may have been times when I forgot about Allah. Times where I forget to be grateful, times where I forget to doa, times where I take things for granted.

My life is not perfect, I am not perfect. I miss my sister. I miss talking to someone and just cry my heart out. I miss sharing my heartache, my problems and my faults without any judgement. I miss my sister.

Im sad with the news I got today. Yes, really sad. But that's what Allah destined it to be. He wants me to work harder, to earn what I want. And I will InsyaAllah. I am sad, but life moves on. Time doesnt wait for us. It doesnt wait for us to heal, to get back on our feet, to stop moping around. It moves on no matter what.

I guess, I just need good news for a change.

But I still miss my sister..

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Forgiving Before Bed

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt

Im writing another post right before bed. Just think I need to get it off my chest before I can actually sleep, eventhough the time is already a quater past 12.

Im so angry at someone. My day today was exciting, lots of things happened that made me smile and laugh. Business was good, went to the lab, spent the whole day sorting everything out. Came back home to my favorite sitcom and smilled during breaking fast. Everything was doing great until I got this sms from someone.

Eventhough the person who sent me the sms has no fault in the matter, its not her fault. Its another 'her' thats making steam come out of my ears.

How DARE she try to twist things around. How DARE she pin this on me. How DARE she make me look like the guilty one. Right now Im so angry that I dont care that this might be happening bcos of her unstable hormons. I dont CARE. Why? Bcos she's been giving excuses topped up with more excuses, as if she is the ONLY person who has important things going on in her life. So what if ur married, so what? That is NOT a reason. Its an excuse, and uve been using it so many times that its becoming like a broken record.

Yes, Im pissed. And yes, my letting off steam like this might leassen my pahala puasa for today. But Im still angry. And I cant go to sleep like this.

No matter what other ppl say, Im staying away from her for a while. Ive been trying so hard to understand her situation, I volunteered to help out numerous times, I covered for her, and this is how she repays me? This is what I get from her? Accusations? Now Im beginning to regret it.

Ya Allah give me the patience to get thru this, give me the feeling of sincerity once more, let me be ikhlas in my amal, in my sacrifices and in my dakwah work. Strengthen our bond of ukhuwwah, and make those whom have run away from this path realise their mistakes and come back to You. Help us all thru this, especially me. Me who sometimes forget that I am no one without Your Rahmah. Let us be sincere in our journey and stronger thru the tribulations You put us thru.

Ameen Ya Rabb

Friday, August 05, 2011

Anti-news and papers

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I know most of my post are always about me and my feelings. THIS does not mean I am not aware or that I am oblivious to the issues of the world. And it certainly doesnt mean that I don't care.

Although I am seriously NOT a paper person, nor am I longer an avid news person either -- not with the lies and manipulated stories they tend to report nowadays. Especially in this country. Since it's Ramadhan, its easier to forget about the news on TV, I will stay away as a step towards avoiding bad thoughts of people or saying bad things in reaction to the news.

When I find the time AND the mood, I sometimes (read carefully people, sometimes) switch to BBC or CNN or Al Jazeera. Sometimes when the there's absolutely nothing on TV, I switch to Astro Awani.

But yes, I have to admit that I find out things a little later than usual. Hehe.. the effects of not watching the news and not reading the paper I guess. And thats rather bad when I think about it.

As a result, maybe.. just maybe, I'll write more view-based posts in the future. We'll see..

Thought Before Bed

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt
Hi everyone. Just writing a post before going to bed.

There's a part of me that keeps dreaming too seriously. I know some ppl define dreams as just that, dreams. Something you wish for but cant really get.

There's also ppl who say that dreams can come true with the right amount of effort.

Ive also experienced situations where what we're going thru at that particular moment feels so unreal that its like a dream! Haha

I guess it all depends on ur state of mind. All definitions are correct, its just a matter of applying it to the right situation.

I dont see any wrong in dreaming or wishing. You need the push and drive to make you strive for practically anything.

Just saying the things stuck in my mind I guess. Rambling again, I know.

Goodnite everyone, pleasent dreams ;)

Wednesday, August 03, 2011


Assalamualaikum WRT WBT,

Would you believe that I've had this new post tag opened since 11.30 this morning. Yet I keep having other things to do. Whenever I open back this page, I stare at it for at least a minute -- thinking about what I should write, but just as I'd want to start, I'll either get an sms, an email or a msg on FB. Fiuh, its been a busy morning and afternoon today.

Its only 2.20 and I feel like Ive been sitting in front of the computer for the whole day! And NO, it has nothing to do with Ramadhan. I just think that it's been really busy, and you tend to forget the time when sitting in front of the computer with tons of things to do.

Even so, alhamdulillah... I was able to settle a lot of things today. And since Im not planning to come to the 'office' (ceh, panggil office!) I mean lab tomorrow, I better settle the unfinished business. Why am I not going to 'work' tmrw? Hehehhe.. Nak kene gi renew my passport.

Im going to be extra extra extra busy till the end of the year. Ya Allah, just thinking about it makes me stressed out. I'll have to stay in Penang for two months -- research related. Again, scary! And again, I feel like time is moving so fast!

There wasnt really a specific topic I wanted to write about. I didnt have anything in mind. But I needed to write, thus explains all the rambling. Going on and on about nothing.

Ah yes, I just 'launched' a small business project. You can read about it in my previous blog. Alhamdulillah, the project is going smoothly takat ni. Lots of orders. Im hoping to venture out to the whole of Malaysia. THIS is why Ive been extra busy today. Fiuh!

Oklah, Ive run out of what to write that isnt specific. Hahha.

Sampul Duit Ikram

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Dengan sukacitanya ana maklumkan bahawa penempahan sampul duit IKRAM kini dibuka! Alhamdulillah.

Sampul duit ini tidak hanya boleh digunakan waktu raya, namun untuk memberi derma dan hadiah kahwin.

Dapatkannya sekarang! Bilangan terhad. Sampul ini mewakili IKRAM Malaysia, bukan IKRAM Johor sahaja. Boleh diguna pakai oleh semua ahli IKRAM di seluruh Malaysia.

Hubungi wakil jualan kami, Nawal Shaharuddin di 013-9771 754.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Is it Wrong?

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

The question I would like to ask: Is it wrong to hope?

Some would interprate it as hoping for a lost cause.

Others would say that it's a waste of time.

A few would tell me to forget about it.

Sadly, some may see it as desperation.

Only a handful of people told me to keep 'fighting' because all can change with doa.

I get confused about what to do.

So my question, is it so wrong to still hope?

Monday, August 01, 2011

Rahsia itu hanya Kau yang Tahu

Asslamualaikum WRT WBT

Alhamdulillah, I finally find time to write again. How is everyone? I pray that you're in the best of health, happy and cheerful with the coming of Ramadhan. Before I begin writing what I really wanted to write about, I should take this opportunity to wish all my brothers and sisters of the same faith a Happy Ramadhan.

For those who are my FB friends, I've already shared this e-card with you. So this one is for my other friends out there. Who ever you are. I pray that one day, we can actually become friends, not just reading from a distance.

As Ramadhan is starting to begin, I always find myself overly emotional. Every year it's like that. I become more aware of my feelings, Im easily touched with words, I cry a lot -- even for small things. Its easier to feel, to understand and to accept any sort of teguran. The feelings come from deep within, rather than be on the surface. I guess this is because the influence of syaitan isn't there. What we do and what we feel, everything is from the 'real' us.

I've always loved Ramadhan. It's a month that I always feel so much closer to Allah. It's a month of devotion, a month of being the best Muslim you can be. I've always found myself more hardworking, more sincere and more patient. I love the me I become during Ramadhan.

Before I explained what happened to me today, I have to tell the story from the beginning.

Take note, this is going to be VERY long and girly. Full of emotional explanations and mostlikely you wont understand because you've never watched and movie or the series.

Since the movies came out -- I'm referring to Ketika Cinta Bertasbih 1 and 2, I've been such a huge fan. Whenever I feel down, and have the time to entertain myself, I watch this movie. Ive never read the books, but I've watched the movies so many times that I can practically remember the dialog. If you ask my sister Aida, she'll say "asyik cerita ni je!".

But yes, the message in these movies have been my source of comfort for quite a while. The reminders in the movie has brought back my feeling of hope. I feel very juvenile admitting this out loud, but no matter how old we are and how mature we look, there will always be a small part of us that's still a kid.

I always find myself tearing up watching these two movies. Maybe because I can relate with the story line.

Last 2 weeks, I found out that the writer of these stories decided to make a series, as a continuation of the movie. I was so ecstatic! You can't imagine how excited. I've never been able to stand Indonesian series. They keep going on and on. But, this movie and series is so different.

This is the BEST Islamic movie and series Ive ever watched yet. Why? Because the actors aren't hypocrites. They were picked based on their Arabic fluency, on their understanding and practice of Islam, based on their ability to memorise the Quran and Hadith. When they talk about Islam in the movie/series, they actually mean it because they actually practice the REAL Islam. They dont touch, they ALWAYS cover their aurat and they always quote the Quran and Hadith. They give real and true advice, and they convey the REAL Islam in the story. Subahanallah, just wonderful.

The last couple of episodes have given a huge impact on me. Maybe because I've somewhat experienced the same thing. Remember how I mentioned that my feelings are on high mode during Ramadhan? We'll, I've been tearing up since writing this post. I don't know how to explain my feelings at the moment.

Let's just say that I know a little bit of how Husna in the story feels. I felt my heart skip a beat when she cried. I could personally feel how hurt she felt, even though my situation didnt really go as far as hers.

I keep watching the series because I want to find out how people deal with what I've been thru the best way. Like in the series, no matter how much advice we give others, when it happens to us, its so hard to listen to our own advice. We give advice to others with only a small portion of empathy. But when it happens to us, our heart and mind are influenced by emotion. So it's so hard to be rational.

I know Aliya will scold me for this, but I still pray for what I wish happened a few months back. I keep praying that things get better and that Allah ease the journey if He planned such outcome for me. I'm still like Husna, hoping and praying that I get my other half, even though things have been rough, with all sorts of obstacles in the way. How Husna handled her situation, was practically the same as how I handled it. Get busy with work so that I wouldnt have time to dwell on it. I thought my plan was solid. But.. When you find yourself alone, your mind tends to wonder off.

I can also relate to how Ilyas felt. How helpless he felt, how even if he tried, he can't change other ppl's minds. How much he hurt cos he couldn't have the person he chose. How lost he felt when he couldn't change the situation. All he could do was pray and hope.

In the movie, there was the conflict of Azzam wanting to marry Anna who has higher education qualifications, and Azzam who was discouraged because there was the mention of 'expectations' of the society. They faced so many tests, so many tribulations, but in the end, they ended up together because as all Muslimah wants, a husband who has a strong Islamic background.

Its sad to think that I find comfort in this story. Even though the story makes me cry and laugh and cry again, I keep watching it. I can't really talk to anyone about what's been happening, about my disappointments and my broken heart. I've been bottling it all up since it happened. I've been trying so hard to forget about it, to get over it, but I haven't really succeeded. And I know that I won't be able to recover until I do. But I don't want to tell anyone, because no one would really understand.

I've heard all sort of advice from others, on how to think positive. That InsyaAllah Allah will find me someone who is much better. Yes, I know. The story about Ummu Salamah has been an inspiration. But my feeling of hope is still there. This might just be a test from Allah so see at which level my Iman really is. So I am not giving up. I will only stop praying and hoping when I hear the word nikah from the other party. Only then, will I stop.

And if during this whole journey, someone better actually comes along, I'll accept with open arms. Because no matter how we plan, pray and hope, only He knows which path and which person is the best for us. I'm just going to be patient. Make me strong Ya Allah.

I told you it was going to be girly and emotional. Don't say I didn't warn you.

To finish this post of, I'm posting a video. The lyrics are really meaningful to me. And the song is from the movie above.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Its All Becoming So Real Now

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

The past couple of days have been historical -- either it be because of the after effects of the weekend event, or just in my own life.

At the moment, I am in Penang - The Pearl of the Orient. Thats what the huge sign in the middle of the roundabout said anyway. I wonder why it is called that. Anyone from the north reading this? Care to explain? Please do. Im too tired and lazy to find out for myself. EVEN THOUGH its just a type and click away. I 'think' Ive only been to Penang 3 times throughout my life.

Well, thats as far as I can remember. My recollection of visits to Penang include a swimming pool treat, and stopping at a huge white bridge. I dont know when this was, but Mak did say it was during AyahCik's wedding. Which was what... 22 years ago?

The other time I came to Penang was with the UNIKL Student Council. I had a council meeting at the Malaysian Spanish Institute, and they brought us for a night drive to Batu Feringgi. I think. I dont really remember and I remember not being able to appreciate the scenery bcos it was too dark.

But we did get to ride the ferry from the mainland. THAT I remember bcoz I was so jakon. Haha. On the way back, someone else drove coz I had a headache, so again, the opportunity to 'see' Penang was lost. But I do remember it having lots of clubs and pubs. Pity ey

Anyhow, Im writing this post from my hotel bed -- Equatorial Hotel mind you! A lovely hotel on a hill, with beautiful scenery. I can see the bridge from the balcony of my room.

Im in Penang bcoz my supervisor and I have an interview at Intel. We're requesting a grant for research, which ofkos is my PhD research. Other than asking for the grant money, this visit was also an initiative to meet up with those responsible in allowing me access to the Intel employees. Yup, I need access so that I'll be able to conduct my research, collect data and proceed with my studies.

I had my fast track evaluation last week -- alhamdulillah I passed. That was terrifying I tell you! I'll do another post on that later. So the preparation for this interview wasnt as hard as the evaluation. All I needed to do was edit here and there to meet the needs of the company and refresh what Ive been working hard on for the past month. Lagipun, it wasnt as scary bcoz my supervisor was going to be there with me. So if I stumbled on something, she'd be there to back me up! Haha.

It was very exciting to walk into the doors of a widely known industry. A label we'll see every time we open a laptop. Their sticker greeting you right in the face. Even though I admit that I dont really know that much about Intel's products with the exception of computer chips, but bcoz of the prestigious brand, walking thru the white corridors of their administration building gives you this wonderful fuzzy feeling. The feeling of pride, honour and just plain accomplishment. EVEN when all I did was go in. Haha. Does anyone understand what Im talking about?

The interview lasted for about an hour and a half. And from the feedback they gave, it looks positive :) You dont know how wide Im smiling. Even my supervisor is super excited! Haha.

InsyaAllah I'll be coming back here over the next two years. Even if the grant application isnt approved, I'll still have to come here for my research, to collect data, observe their training and so on. Can't wait! Hehehhe..! Its SO exciting! Don't you think?

Our flight back to KL is at 3.25p.m. So we'e back in our hotel room to hang out. And before you ask, the answer is yes. Yes, I am sharing a room with my supervisor. At first I thought it would be super awkward. And at first it WAS! Haha, I didnt know what to talk about. But since my supervisor is extra friendly, it eventually became easy. No more awkward silences, more of comfortable silences =)

She did ask me if we wanted to go jalan, bcoz she knows her way around Penang. But since it's been raining since morning, I declined. I'm sure I'll find the time to jalan-jalan the next time Im in Penang. In fact, boleh bawak the whole family! Maak!! JOM! Hehehhe..

Its a good thing I recorded the interview session, bcoz I received a lot of input, but didnt have enough time to write it all down. So when I get back to JB, I'll insyaAllah straight away get to work. I need to further detail this proposal and resubmit it to Intel for their final approval. InsyaAllah all will go well.

I need to go to work A.S.A.P. If not, this high motivation level I am experiencing will fade away.

But I will confess something. This trip to Penang and Intel made the whole situation with my research a little more serious, and a little more REAL.

Pray for me!

Monday, July 11, 2011


Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Although Im supposed to be finishing my presentation materials for my interview this Tuesday, but I just finished watching a video that makes me feel so ashamed and so sad. Which called me to write something about the big issue happening to our country today.

I am a Malaysian, but watching the events of our country for the past couple of weeks makes me feel so ashamed. What is happening to our beautiful Malaysia? A country that is supposed be proud to be a developing country that supports the ideology of democracy. Where is the democracy that we so often boast about to the world? WHERE?

Ya Allah, I just watched pictures and videos of the injustice brought upon our countrymen, our brothers and sisters of the same or different faiths. No matter who the they were, they are still proud Malaysians. Why do I call them true and proud Malaysians? Because they want to see change happen to this corrupted ideology of democracy practiced by the leaders of our country.

My opinion as a younger generation of this beloved country, the decision made by those responsible was the wrong move in a crucial chess game. The wrong move that led to terrible consequences. We can see the result today in the shift of mindset in my generation. Just read the FB statuses and blog posts. Opinions are voiced out, pages are created, and petitions are supported. We can see what the younger generation really think and feel about this situation.

In this internet-based society, we no longer rely on just a couple of sources. News and papers are no longer considered a reliable source of information. We get information from various sources, analyse them and determine which one holds the truth. And in this internet-based society, there is no such thing as limiting the truth. No more cover ups, no more lying to our faces. We are not stupid.

Looking at the reaction of the younger generation of the country, I predict that the full blown consequence of this weekend's event will be seen in the next general election.

What happened in our country this weekend has opened more minds than everyone predicted. This historical event was a moral victory to the cause. The injustice and brutal reaction by those who call themselves the authority became proof, opening the eyes of people who were indecisive before this.

No matter what action taken after this will not give any impact. It will not work. I predict 'harsh' actions, the firing of people, scholarships and loan withdrawals, etc2. Such actions will only make the people angrier. The demand for reform will be stronger and with more force. It was a move that led to checkmate. And you won't be able to change what is bound to come without cheating.

Those loans and scholarships are actually the tax payers money. The people's money.

Their only alternative is meet the people's demands, or lose where it really matters.

We've been condemning other countries such as Egypt and Libya whom have been oppressing their people for years. Restricting their moves and taking away their basic rights. We've been supporting their nation's quest for change. As a person who has a heart and supports human rights, we've been supporting them, we've been praying for them, and we celebrated when they were victorious. So where does it differ in our situation?

If we look at the situation closely, the cause the people of Malaysia were fighting for wasn't conceptually the same as those of Egypt and Libya. The cause was for a CLEAN election, so that we'll be able to have a fair election, the freedom to choose, the right to decide without any manipulation that will favor whichever side. THIS was the cause. But what made it become a full scale 'battle field' was the cover up by those who had something to hide.

All the people of Malaysia wanted was a show of solidarity, a show of support for fairness, for anti-corruption. Why is that so wrong?

All the people requested was for two short hours.

What I don't get is, how some people have the arrogance and the audacity to lie to our faces, and think they can get away with it.

It is our basic rights as Malaysian, as stated in the constitution to do demonstrations. Which is why we call ourselves a country of democracy. We are a people's country. We as the citizens of Malaysia have the right to state our minds and be against what does not benefit the people as a whole. We have the right to speak out! That is the concept of democracy. If this is untrue, then where on earth is the democracy? WHERE?

This is strictly my opinion. Those who do not agree with me also have the right to do so. We are all entitled to our own opinion. But I urge everyone to do a little research before speaking or writing. Make sure you have ur facts right. Read into our history and into both sides. Dont believe something without looking into it first. And DONT under any circumstances should you talk about something you have no knowledge about. Be matured about it. Talk with intellect, not with emotion.

Today, our country is slowly morphing. Malaysia is slowly being flooded with the new generation of intellectual minds. Children are growing up to be teenagers. Teenagers becoming young adults, so on and so forth. We, the younger generation have been growing throughout the phases of our country's political development. We've been watching from the sidelines for so long. We've seen how it's progressing, and how uglier its becoming day by day. Its harder to fool us. Don't take us for granted. We know when we are being lied to.

For the sake of our future, the future of our beloved country, please think before doing something.

I get so angry and frustrated at those who feel this is all a waste of time. We are talking about our future. Malaysia's future. Everyone should be concerned. We live in the same country, on the same land.

But I guess for some, they think this issue does not concern them. That they have more important things to think about such as going shopping at KLCC, or going to the spa -- plans which were put on hold due to this. Oh God, I pity them so much. Im so sad for them.

Ya Allah, no matter what we think is best for our beloved country, only You have the power to determine our future. We want a corrupt-free country, a country where we can live in peacefully. Please help us to achieve this. Break the spirits of those who are against You, make them feel fear of Your retribution. We pray they find the light and gain the nikmah of Your taufiq and hidayah. Without You Ya Allah, we are nothing.

Ameen Ya Rabb.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Trip to the East

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Ok, lets take a deep breath. *breathe in *breathe out.

How should I start this? I guess the truth is always the best solution.

If you noticed a few posts back, I posted a flyer about a trip to Kelantan. Alhamdulillah, it went well -- not exactly as planned, but it was ok considering what we had to deal with.

The trip was alright. Tiring! But Alhamdulillah no 'casualties". I dont have the strength to write all that happened. Lets just say that we had a pretty rough time handling our bus drivers. And even though Rasulullah teaches us to always forgive, what happened between us (the organisers) with the bus drivers will forever be lodged in my head. And my heart. Just thinking about what they put us thru still makes my heart burn. A couple of drivers from hell.

The overall trip was exciting since it was the first successful trip for us from Jawatankuasa Pemuda Remaja Belia IKRAM Johor Bahru Tengah. The trip was a collaboration between us JKPRB IKRAM JBT with Biro Rakan Muda Masjid Tan Sri Ainuddin Wahid, Taman Universiti. Oh man, thats too long to retype. In the future, I'll refer to our 'group' of volunteers as RnB ok. Just so you guys dont get confused with the abbreviations I use. Anyhow, each month, RnB will organise a small programme named STYLE (Smart Youth Leaders) for the children around Masjid Taman Universiti. We've done qiam for a couple of times, and this trip was sort of a treat for the consistent participants of our programme.

This trip to Kelantan was organised during the school holidays. Here's a picture of the participants just before starting off to Kelantan.

Below: Me counting heads before starting off.

Throughout the trip, we taught the kids about the importance of prayer, how to pray during musafir. Among other things, we taught them the importance of Ma'thurat and the practice of reading Al-Quran where ever they are.

One of the objectives of the jaulah was that we'd be able to khatam the Quran by the time we arrived back in Johor. So each person was given one juz to finish. I was so moved by how dedicated the participants were.

When we arrived in Kelantan, alhamdulillah with the help of IKRAM Kelantan, we were brought to various places and brought to eat Kelantanees delicacies.They also organised some games for us. I wasnt able to follow the whole programme bcos I had to go back to my grandparents house to prepare for the BBQ dinner.

For dinner, we had a BBQ at my grandparents house. My grandparents are awesome! I love them both so much. Tok Ayah Su and Nenek Su too! :) And not forgetting Ayah for sponsoring the event. Love you all so much!

For Subuh, the group went to Masjid Tok Guru =)

Regardless of the trouble we had with the bus drivers, I hope everyone had a blast. I guess only the three of us (me, kak anie and ct) were the ones handling all the heat, containing our sadness and tears. We couldnt show our emotion to the participants. That would ruin the whole mood.

Before starting back to Johor on Sunday evening, we had the chance to do a lot of shopping at Pasar Siti Khadijah and Rantau Panjang. I think this was the best 'slot' for everyone. The participants were given RM5 to buy gifts for their parents, so they were so excited. RM5! You can buy a bunch of things at Rantau Panjang! Eventhough it rained, everyone had a swell time.

There's still so much to tell, but I think I'll leave it at that. A huge shout of gratitude to my good friends Kak Anie and CT who played a very big role in the success of this jaulah. I appreciate both of their friendship so much. Without each other's support, we'd all have broken down right at the beginning. So thank you and may Allah bless us all.

 The three musketeers!

Just a Thought in My Head

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Its crossed my mind a couple of times on how I tend to dwell on my emotions. How sometimes my mind just wonders off to wherever it wants. Forcing me to think about my life and the plans I have set into motion.

Sometimes I feel so frustrated seeing how all I can write about are my feelings. Most of the time, I write about my reaction to a certain situation or event in my life. And most of the time, I know no one wants to read me whining. Its sad and pathetic. And yet, I keep coming back. I cant seem to let go of this blog.

The thought of people all around the world have access to all the things I write here is alarming. And freaky. But no matter what excuse I use to make me feel better, its is in fact still freaky.

I guess for those who read blogs of those they do not know.. I'd like to think that they do this as a way to get to know us a little closer. Or they just want to see what we've been doing in our lives. Or they'd like to find out how we think, what type of mental state we are in.

OR they feel like reading other people's problems as alternatives of dealing with their own problems. Oh wau, that was harsh. Sorry.

I dont mind. As long as my readers dont use my words to spread slander.

Why did I write this post anyway? I forget.

Emm.. ok, I'll stop now. Before I go on and on without any fullstop


Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I know Ive been absent for quite some time, so I'll write a quick update.

So, what been happening in my world? Let's see..

Friends getting married, meeting up with old friends, trip to Kelantan, patching up broken friendships, studies, and ofkos life. haha. Such a long list!

Friends getting married. Alhamdulillah :) a few close friends of mine got hitched and I was able to attend a few. Its never too late to say congratulations.

Ejat & Liana - this picture was before nikah, so takde gambar with both the bride and groom.

Ejat is a very close friend -- a loyal junior to be exact. One of the few people who has been with me thru thick and thin. Congratulations dear brother. May your marriage last till Jannah InsyaAllah.

Next, Kak Ira and Syawal

To Kak Ira and Syawal, mabruk! Barakallahu fi kum. Semoga Allah rahmati dan lindungi perkahwinan you all berdua.Semoga di kurniakan anak-anak yang soleh yang akan menjadi penyejuk mata insyaAllah. Wishing and praying for the best for both of you :)

Ok la, thats it for now. Over and out!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Multiple Situations

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Among the situations I am currently in:

Situation 1: Oh wau, this is interesting! Im definitely using this for my research.

Situation 2: What made me think I could do this?

Situation 3: Hang on.. Im starting to get this

Situation 4: Friends! I need help!

Situation 5: Now Im motivated!

Situation 6: Sometimes you just have to take it slow..

Situation 7: What did I get myself into?!

Situation 8: Maybe I'll do it this way..

Situation 9: Enough thinking, I need sleep!

Situation 10: I need to get away from my computer! No Facebook! No emails! I need to concentrate!

Any situation seem familiar to you? Hehehhehhe.
Wish me luck people, pray that I'm strong enough to go thru this. Pray that Allah ease my journey.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Absent Month

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I know some have come to read my blog just to see if there are updates. Im sorry folks, Ive been rather busy this past week, and am predicted to be busier in the next month.

There's going to be a fast track evaluation either at the end of the month, or early June. So most of us in the EduTech Department are panicking. Me included. Bcoz if our research is not up to standard (i.e. not reached PhD level), unfortunately we will be down graded to Masters. And lets face it, no one wants that.

So at the moment, my head is full of research stuff and there isnt much room left to think of anything else. I think I'll be like this till after the evaluation.

I also have to write 2 journal papers in the space of 1 and a half months. So that is something filling my head too.

So folks, please pray for me. Pray that I'll be able to finish on time and pray that Allah give me ideas on what to write. Pray that Allah ease my journey and that I am always sincere in what I do.

I know I say I might not be writing in my blog, but sometimes, I still need to let out some steam. So thank you for being loyal readers :)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Tech Dilemma

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I might as well mention it here, since most of the time, 'discussing' things thru are so much easier than thinking about it alone. Currently, Im planning to buy a high performance, high quality laptop which will be able to resist the amount of work I always do using it.

I need a good one bcos, lets face it -- multimedia isn't something any type of laptop can stand. My post regarding my history with computers are in one of my previous posts.

So my options are:
1. MacBook Pro 13" 2.3GHz (RM3,399)
2. MacBook Air 13" 128GB (RM3,849)
3. MacBook Air 11" 128GB (RM3,549)
4. MacBook Air 11" 64GB (RM2,949)
5. Sony Vaio VPCEA45FG/L (RM2,699)
6. Toshiba Satellite E300 (RM3,299)
7. Toshiba Portege R830 (RM3,999)
8. Toshiba Portege R700 (RM3,799)

Im very much inclined towards the MacBook. But just looking at the prices in my list here makes me cringe! But nonetheless, I really need it. So folks, any thoughts? Or opinions? Do share, I really appreciate it.

Nuclear Explosion

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Opening my blog and writing a post has become something regular whenever I come to the lab. Which I think is awesome because I get to start my day writing my heart out, thus letting out some steam. Which ofkos means that I'll have a much clearer head when I have to start my readings.

Oh man, you should see my reading list! Let me list out a few so that you'll be able to understand the amount of facts I have to obtain in my head.

This week alone:
1. Assessing and Tracking Students' Problem Solving Performances in Anchored Learning Environments by B. A. Bottage et. al.
2. Understanding, Measuring and Enhancing Individual Creative Problem Solving Efforts by Dennis R. Brophy
3. A Training Program to be Perceptually Sensitive and Conceptually Productive thru Meta-cognition: A Case Study by Masaki Suwa.
4. Application idea for TRIZ theory in Innovation Education by Jiang Fan
5. The Developmental Nature of Meta-cognition and the relationship between knowledge and Control over time by Meribeth Cassidy Schmitt and Shuying Sha
6. Using Computer Supported Collaborative Learning Strategies for Helping Students Acquire Self-regulated Problem Solving Skills in Mathematics by Georgia Lazakidou.

Need I say more?

So at the moment, my head is full of words and jargons and all technology and education stuff. I find words like mnemonic strategies and meta-memory and hypercognition. Oh my God. Sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode! Haha.. Its like a nuclear explosion of information.

Anyhow, writing about how stressed I am and what's going on in my life does make a difference. Although, like Ive always said, I do have other more important things to write about (i.e. Important Family Events), sometimes the mood just isnt there. So its always preferable to talk about MY feelings. Hahha..

Orite, enough writing. Back to reading. I'll be back when I feel bored and sick of reading. Wait for a while, Im sure I'll be writing again today. Hehehe :P

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

To My Future Husband

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

This letter is written for my future husband, my future partner and the future father to my children. Even though I have yet to meet you, I pray that you are always in the best of health, under Allah's protection and Barakah, no matter where you are.

Although there is no way to determine how and where we will meet, my prayers are always with you, so that one day we will find each other under the best of circumstances.

My dearest future husband,
My expectations are not of a princess. I do not need all the riches of the world. All I ask is that you are rich with knowledge. Please do not feel threatened by labels and certificates. They mean so much less than the knowledge of Islam I pray you possess. I pray that you'll be my other half who will help me answer our children's' questions when I have no idea what to say. I pray you be there to finish my sentences and teach me where I am lacking, for I know I am.

I do not expect you to be as beautiful as Prophet Yusuf a.s, I will be grateful enough you becoming the light of my eyes. If we were meant for each other, if I am the lucky girl Allah created for you, then Im sure Allah will bring our hearts together and make us fall in love when we finally meet. How can I expect someone handsome and good looking, when I am but an awkward and clumsy girl.

My dearest future husband,
I know I am not perfect, so please know I do not expect you to be either. We both have our shortcomings and we will have to live with them for the rest of our lives together. So please do not judge me based on them, but I pray you accept them and understand that I am just human like you.

I pray you always see the positive side of things, for I know I am sometimes quick to make judgements without thinking it thru. I pray that we become each other's support when things are tough. Please be my knight in shining armor when Im looking for someone to save me. Keep me safe and I promise to always be there by your side supporting your every decision for our family's happiness.

I cannot promise that there won't be times when we disagree and fight, but please know that I will always support your sacrifices for Islam. Let me be the coolness of your eyes, let us struggle and strive together, keeping the Quran and Sunnah alive.

Help me become the Muslimah I wish to become thru this bonding, for with it I would have completed half of my religion InsyaAllah. I do not ask for all the stars in the sky, it would be enough that you sacrifice your whole being in gaining Allah's Redha. I would be so grateful just being there to encourage you and offer a helping hand, for you to lean on me when you need me. I'll be whatever you need me to be.

My dearest future love,
Although it is important for us to express our love for each other, Im not expecting a declaration of undying love. But what I ask is for you to love Allah unconditionally. For by loving Allah, you will love me because of your love for Him. And that is what is everlasting and eternal, till we meet again in Jannah.

I'll make you happy, I promise that I will try. Let me be your stepping stone to Paradise.

But if it is Allah's will that we do not have the chance to meet here on earth, I pray we will find each other in Paradise, where our love will be for eternity.

Whatever happens, it's all in Allah's hands. But I promise to never stop praying for you, for us and for all the years to come.

Till the day I finally become yours,
Your other half.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What Happened Last Saturday?

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Enough crying. I feel pathetic crying because of a perfect stranger. So enough oredi.

Last saturday was an auspicious occasion  for IKRAM Johor. Alhamdulillah a huge event was organised in-conjunction with the officiation of the IKRAM Johor Office Complex.

IKRAM is a non-government organisation which is a combination of several active NGOs in Malaysia. They include Pertubuhan Jamaah Islah Malaysia (JIM), Aqsa Syarif (who helped organise the Mavi Marmara), Musleh, and a few more. So all these NGOs are now under one name: Pertubuhan IKRAM Malaysia (IKRAM). Which is why we now use IKRAM as our official name for any type of programmes, all around the nation.

Anyhow, alhamdulillah our office complex is completed. The officiation was done by our own President of IKRAM, Al-Fadhil Ustaz Dr. Mohd Parid Sheikh Ahmad.

Here are a few pictures of the event. (I only posted pictures which have me in them. Ha ha :P )
Oh yes, I was the one who designed the backdrop :P hehhe

Ahmad, Ayah (Yang DiPertua DPN IKRAM Nasional), Mak (Im not sure what Mak's official post in IKRAM is, but she handles the treasurer's office) and Me. Ahmad and I are active members in JK Pemuda Remaja Belia IKRAM JBT. Im the secretary, Ahmad is the JK Media. We are an active IKRAM family alhamdulillah. :)

Kak Anie, Syaima, Me and CT Anie (Among my good friends in IKRAM)

Discussing with Makcik Khairul Suzana (JK Khidmat Masyarat Negeri Johor) about what my role was during the ceremony. Behind us (the ones wearing "flowers" are the JK Negeri Johor. This was all of us waiting for Mr President to arrive)

Us at the back of the tent. There weren't enough chairs so we were ready to give ours up for other guests. Hehhe

What wasnt in the pictures I posted was a 6-tent cover for the people who came, and the picture of the office complex. You can go to Pertubuhan IKRAM Malaysia Facebook for other pictures of the event.

Later in the day, Makcik Zairus invited me to her house for a get together with her student usrah group. Apparently I was invited bcoz she said I was outgoing and would fit in with her students (international students especially). Haha. Oh ok.

But it was fun. I got to meet 2 girls from Turkey and 2 girls from China. The rest were Malaysians ofkos. Hehe. Here is a picture of the get together.

When you look at the picture, the question going thru ur mind WILL be "Which are the girls from CHINA?" Hahhahahaha..

Well, I was surprised too when I found out. The girls from China were Baha (the one not wearing hijab) and the one wearing the polka dot scarf. They dont look Chinese at all right?! So after asking, they are from a northern part of China. More specifically a place called Uyghur.

Its surprising how the situation in Uyghur is. First of all, Ive never heard of Uyghur. But like the majority part of the world, Muslims are being discriminated just for the sake of religion. This time by the Chinese government. Killings, discrimination by religion, the taking by force, the elimination of culture; all the actions taken for ethnic clensing. Maybe we should look into this situation -- which I know we are totally oblivious about.

Anyhow, it was a fun treat -- getting to know new friends, laughing and sharing stories. I dont have many foreigner friends. The ones who are in my department are urghh... annoying and loud. They dont respect other ppl's privacy, they speak too loud, they are a little selfish and they get on ALL of our nerves. We can't stand them. So getting to know these kind girls was a breath of fresh air.