Thursday, January 26, 2012

Behind Every Victory

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt

I apologise for my earlier emotional outbursts. I know, the past few posts have been all about emotion, and not many are able to relate to them. But from those post, you can basically guess what state I am in at the moment. For my brothers reading, this is basically the lives of us females. We think and think some more. And as we think, emotions come crashing the 'party', changing the whole atmosphere into a melancholy themed 'celebration'.

As Russell Peters puts it (thanks Atiqah for showing me the video), the female brain doesn't stop working, it continues and thinks about stuff, sometimes totally unrelated to them. And ofkos, the famously stated fact everyone seems to unconsciously know about is that, females are emotional creatures. Its how Allah made us. So just deal with it. Handle an emotional female with caution and with extra care, because like any other rare creature, their moves are unpredictable. So beware. Hehe.

My writing today will be about a Surah that has given a huge impact on me. This Surah is a very short and simple Surah from the Quran.

Have you ever been in the state of total numbness, where some things you've been repeatedly doing your whole life somehow or rather doesn't affect you any more. When something is done repeatedly, it becomes a routine, and if you don't start thinking about it, or if others don't remind you of it's importance, it slowly becomes a 'step' in life that no longer involves any connection between your actions with your heart or mind. You do it without thinking, and it doesn't effect you as it should. Well this was me.

I remember reading this Surah numerous times during my prayers. Surah An Nasr that only consists of 3 short ayats, but holds a deep deep meaning.

I was pointed out and reminded of this Surah a couple of weeks back. And I had an epiphany.

If you look at its meanings:

1. When the victory of Allah has come and the conquest,

2. And you see the people entering into the religion of Allah in multitudes,

3. Then exalt [Him] with praise of your Lord and ask forgiveness of Him. Indeed, He is ever Accepting of repentance.

THIS, ofkos made me think. Yes, thinking again. As the sister was telling us about victory, and how we should rate something a victory in life, how we should appreciate it and how to intelligently deal with it, I was thinking to myself.

Being in this state of unconscious mind, you think back on the times you have read this Surah, but didn't bother to find out it's meaning. In this Surah, Allah reminds us of the victories He has given us. Even though this Surah was about Fathul Makkah, all the things in the Quran are for our reflection, reminders to our own lives. And Allah did mention how fortunate it is to be among those who take example from the Quran.

In life, we come upon times where the joy of being happy creeps into our lives. We fight hard for the things we want, we strive and strive for excellence. Although the journey to achieve a goal is a long and winding one, but Allah will reward us with small yet very meaningful self accomplishments.

We know what our final goal is in life and afterlife. But let us talk about our accomplishments here on earth. Every single time when we feel great, where you laugh and jump for joy with the success you get, do you reflect on where these successes come from?

I remember this Surah always popping into my head during Solat. Again and again I unconsciously read it. And since two weeks ago, I didn't realise that it was Allah's way of actually reminding me. Subtly, He reminds us in every single thing we do. It is up to us whether to take notice or not.

He is reminding me the right way to be grateful. In this Surah, Allah tells us to be thankful and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness. Why? Shouldnt we be happy with what Allah has given us? But we forget that even accomplishments in life can be tests of Iman.

Some people forget Him when all is well. Most people only remember Him when things are tough. Let us not be this way. Too many success can also lead you astray. Which is why sometimes, we need to fall to understand the meaning of hardship. We need to fail to appreciate success. We need to feel pain to fathom the meaning of peace and love.

So never give up with the things He puts in front of you. Because Allah has promised victory to those who are faithful to Him. Whatever happens in your life is there for a reason. Every jump, every step and every fall.

One of the things people forget when rewarded with victory, is the fact that we will be asked on the day of Judgement, how we used this victory Allah has given to help Islam, to help mankind in the quest of making everyone bow down to Allah. So the victories that come our way also comes with a huge responsibility. Let us not forget this.

Me included.


Usually, when I write every post, there will always be a special theme song. I write whilst listening to the melody over and over again. This post was written in dedication to this instrumental below. Do listen. It will make you aware of ur feelings even more. Enjoy

With Dawn Comes Hope

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT


In the wee hours of the morning, when all is quiet and all you hear is the sound of silence, you find yourself reflecting on life. You find yourself longing for this time of day. Longing for the silence, longing for the peace of mind, longing for release. It doesn't matter that you deprive yourself of sleep, as long as you can be alone with your feelings. This is the best time to think, to cry and to ask for forgiveness.

Sometimes, you dont even know how to put your hurt into words. And everyone knows that some people cry not because they are weak. But because they have been fighting to be strong for too long, they just can't help but shatter inside.

When all you've been trying to do is live your life as you see fit, but the people around you, who do not agree on the choices you've made or the path you have chosen, question you and mock you.

As the night goes on, you wipe away the tears that doesn't show any sign of stopping. Again and again you are aware of your eyes momentarily closing to keep the pain inside. You realise that your vision keeps alternating from clearness to darkness, that your hands are there to console you, somehow trying to absorb every evidence of pain from your face. You try, but it keeps coming back. So you give up on stopping the tears. You sit up and hug yourself as hard as you can, somehow hoping and praying this hurt will go away, that you fill find a solution out of this predicament.

You cry until there are no more tears, until all that is left is this sense of release. Even when your head starts to hurt, but you cannot cry anymore. Then and only then, will you be able to think clearly.

With every ounce of strength, you dig deep inside of you for that small but strong will you know is within you. You know that, no matter how awful you feel inside, no matter how shattered your heart is right now, the light of hope is there waiting to save you.

You find the pain which engulfed your heart a moment ago, momentarily stop, replacing itself with belief bit by bit trying to find its way back into you, mending your heart piece by piece. You find yourself with answers to questions which were impossible before. You see a better picture of what is happening, you are filled with this sense of understanding and acceptance. You literally see the light at the end of the tunnel becoming bigger and bigger. You feel this sense of love which invisibly cloaks you, hugging you.

It is a slow and lengthy process, but it will reach you. All you have to do is have patience. Allah will never let his servants alone. He will always be there to catch you when you fall.

And as the dawn comes, you feel the beauty of the rising sun, knowing that with the beginning of the new day, comes new hope and new promise. You feel your spirits growing as the sun rises. A new self discovery, new strength. You realise that throughout the night, you grew.

You take a long deep breath. And you thank Allah for helping you thru this vulnerable time. For without Him, you know you'll be lost during the night. Without Him, you'd feel so insecure and uncertain. Without Him, you will not get this sense of understanding, of hope and self belief.

Thank you Allah, for giving me the guidance I so needed. Thank you Allah for helping me accept the fact that the things people say to me are actually Your way of bringing me closer to You. And that the tears which people see as a sign of weakness is actually Your way of giving me strength. Thank you Allah for reminding me, for still remembering me, for loving me. Thank you. I know I don't deserve it, but You are always there hugging me when I need You. You are always there to listen to my inner desires, to listen when I need a crying shoulder. You have been there every step of my life. Please remain with me as my life continues on here on this earth and in the hereafter. My biggest victory would be to meet with you in Paradise. Guide me so that it will become a reality one day. Ameen Ya Rabb.


This night, I found myself alone, harnessing a truck load of pain. A feeling of deep pain in my chest. I was hurting and all I wanted to do was cry. So I did.

People can be so hurtful sometimes. Either intentionally or unintentionally, it still hurts.

Why are people like this? Some people have been doing this for so long, they don't even realise it.

No matter how you inject the insult with humor, it is still an insult. You make people laugh by belittling other people's choices and wants, but don't you realise that all you are doing is putting people down. You make other people laugh, but besides that, you make more cry.

People might smile along with what you say. But you are blind to that fact that behind it all there is someone who is slowly crumbling inside. Slowly falling and collapsing into a deep dark bottomless hole.

You dont realise what that person has been thru in life. You haven't been with them through all their sorrows and tears. You haven't seen how hard is has been for them to keep fighting, to keep trying to stand up after falling back down again and again. You don't know.

So friends, please be careful in what you say to others. Even if the intention was to joke around, you don't know how they affect the other party. They might smile and laugh along, but behind it all, there might be hurt.

Don't be the cause of a persons tears.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Trying to be the Matured Adult

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

You know how you're supposed to let out all your emotions before bed? Well, actually the practice is to forgive everyone before sleeping at night. Like the sahabah who Rasulullah s.a.w mentioned is one of the ahlul Jannah, where his practice was forgiving everyone before going to bed. I know why this sahabah was so praised and mentioned by our Prophet, and how he actually gained the title of ahlul Jannah. Because, forgiving people before bed is something only the patient and CLEAN hearted can do. Only the people who do not take an emotion too seriously, and those who thoroughly believe in the meaning of patience. Only those who have a very high regard for hikmah behind everything that happens, and those who's Iman is at a high level indeed. It is not as easy as it sounds.

Unfortunately, I am not yet at that level :(

Don't get me wrong, I am trying. The effort of being this calm patient person is getting there. I find that I am able to control my emotions at certain times and certain surroundings. This I found out during this 2nd year of PhD. It really makes you more mature, with high frequency of rejections coming your way. From grant applications, to brush offs from experts (whom you ask to help you with your research), to difficult students in class, to the long long long process of applying just anything for that matter, AND not forgetting the difficult scheduling and bureaucracy of industrial companies. The list is overwhelming I tell you.

So yes, you grow during this whole process. That is why PhD is called an education, because it really really educates you in ways you never knew possible.

However, during the odd times this half-patient-little-old-me is no where to be found, ahaa.. then ofkos the green monster will come out of its hiding place. And please people, I do not like to bring it out.

Tonight, (unfortunately) I HAVE to do a little complaining about a group of people so that I can keep this green monster in check. I would love to just shove it back in its cave (where it belongs), but what I can say is that one foot is already out of the mouth of the cave. So I would like to vent tonight before going to sleep.

I do not show this green creature in me to those who do not make my life difficult. Even so, I always practice this 3 strike rule. This ofkos means that you will only get 3 chances from me. Those 3 chances pulak, means that the strikes only count if and only if you do not apologise. If the apology is sincere, then those strikes will be deducted. So just imagine how patient I really am. IF Im angry at you and you hear my voice rising, or you see it from my actions, THIS means that its been 3 strikes and you're out. Be GONE with you because I will no longer layan you or all your begging.

So comes the venting out. Dont worry, I highly doubt you will even understand. And I doubt you'll even be able to guess who I am talking to. So if you dont wanna see this half ugly green monster in me, then just stop reading. Stop right here.

Seriously. Stop reading.

Ya Allah, grant me the patience I seriously need right now. I am so ANGRY! I cannot even look at them. If they feel like I am just a hassle to them, just a pain in the rear end, then just say so and I will not even bother them.

At which part of "I am only here to help you" don't they understand?

And if advises are ignored and pushed aside, then all I can say is a sarcastic good luck.

Please forgive me on this post. I wrote a whole lot more, but decided (maturely) that it would be so childish of me to write (a.k.a say) things that I might regret at a later date. I pray that Allah grant me the wisdom I obviously need right now to handle this situation. And that misunderstandings can be avoided. Ya Allah, please make my niat sincere. Please help me share my knowledge and my experience to those who would really appreciate it and those who will actually benefit from it.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

It Does Not Come Naturally

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Two days have passed where I start writing, when suddenly I stop and delete everything back. So all I see again is the blank screen. The topics that come to mind seem great when I start, but what seemed so awesome suddenly morphs into something boring. And ofkos this happens when I don’t have the right points.

I have had numerous times where people say that I am a good talker. That I am good at talking in public, I can say whatever comes to mind and can convince people about the things that I talk about. But people don’t know the process of what is happening behind the scenes of this so-called confidence. I think it’s just a facade. You see me as this confidence person, talking as if she’s been doing this public speaking for a lifetime, but no no no my friends. Behind that entire persona, I am but a nervous-hands shaking-heart pumping-like-crazy kind of person. JUST like everyone else.

Ha ha ha. Fooled you ey?

I think that talking in public isn’t really a skill. Is it? I dunno. Sometimes these words escape my understanding. It might be a skill, it might be plain talent, and it might actually be just tons of experience.

No one, I repeat, NO ONE fails to feel the anxiety before a speech. NO ONE can run away from that pain in the stomach, that feeling of having butterflies flying around and around in ur tummy. I assure you that the shaking hands, the decrease of temperature in ur finger tips and the shaky shaky voice that comes out of you is absolutely NORMAL. Hahaha. Don’t worry, that’s what everyone goes thru.

2002 - First time public speaking
 I remember my first public speech at Uni. I think I was tricked into giving that particular speech. Somehow my name came up (name given by the lecturers) to compete in the Student Representative Council. I assure you that I was NOT the social type back then. Come on, I just came out of a private Islamic School, where everyone knew everyone and we were all in our own social bubble, biah solehah and all. Even speaking to the opposite gender was scandalous. Ofkos we were not exposed to talking in public in front of strangers. (Yeah, that was school life).

So publically speaking like that was something so new to me. I remember reluctantly writing the speech and asking my dad to check it, and double check again with my lecturer. Ofkos, not being exposed to such things make you feel so insecure with yourself. You don’t know how things run at uni, you don’t know how the crowd is, how they will react to what comes out of your mouth.

BUT, I remember just going thru with it. To heck with what people will say, to heck with how they will judge me. I remember thinking “As long as what I say comes from the heart, that I really mean it, then I am sure it will convey that way”. I also remember thinking “If I get too nervous, then all I’ll be doing is read the text”. Hahhha.

THAT was the starting point of my public speaking “career”. That’s how I started, that is what led me to be actively involved with the Student Representative Council at my Uni. That little push, that small window of opportunity that I grabbed. I thank Allah everyday for this. The experiences I went thru somewhat developed who I am today.

I must admit that being good conversing in English had its advantages. Knowing and really having the confidence talking in English will surely make ur confidence soar! It’s like having this special super power that other people don’t have. So you put yourself on a higher pedestal than the others. So I guess knowledge and other talents/skills can also boost ur faith in yourself.

So my advice, try to look in the mirror and literally look at urself. From top to bottom. Think (or better yet, list out) of all the hidden talents and skills that you have. You produce this list NOT for boasting. NOT for being riak with the special things you have that others might not have. So please amend your niat. This list is just for YOUR viewing. For the building of YOUR own self confidence. Im sure when you get this one particular thing that others don’t know you have, it will always ring in your head when suddenly the hard task of handling a difficult crowd comes your way. In ur head, you will always have this “I am better at …………… than you! So take that!”. Haha.

So find that one super power. It can be the fact that you can speak and converse in Arabic (I think very highly of guys who can speak Arabic. I admire them so much and I find that it is a huge atomic trait that cannot be compared to any type of PhD. Ehemmm. Hahha). Or it can be any hidden talents you’ve never told anyone. It can be your special drawing skills, your huge vocabulary, your huge library of books at home. It can even be your talent in hacking, our talent in handling babies. Whatever you can think of. You don’t even have to tell anyone about it. Make use of that super power to keep boosting urself to try something new.

I think I should mention the fact that your academic qualifications DOES NOT determine how confident you are. It doesn’t give any advantage if you don’t know how to handle people. Someone might have a PhD in astrophysics or biochemical engineering. BUT if during the whole time studying, all that person did was sit in their own cave of a lab, not mixing with others, then they will also not have a good relationship with people. So I ask, what is the use?

Personally, I think that this confidence issue is all based on experience. Especially addressing the public, talking in public. The more you are exposed to people, the more you learn how to handle them, what to say, what questions to ask.

HOW on earth are u supposed to learn this if you have never had the courage to step into this strange world? You have to literally jump into the community to understand them. Which is why I stress that it is all based on experience. There is nothing waiting for you at the other end other than advantages for your own self.

But take note, not everything along this long winding road of life is as smoothly as it you want it to be. Ofkos there will be the experience of handling really difficult people. Ofkos there will be times you feel like you’ve had enough of people. Ofkos there will be tears and tears and more tears (girls la). But you know what, finding out that “you have to accept that you cannot fulfill everyone’s hope, you cannot satisfy everyone” has to be done the HARD way. You have to literally go thru the hardships before actually understanding what it means. So don’t give up when the time comes.

Confidence, ofkos it is something that needs work on. But good news for my gal pals, there was a guy once who told me that he finds confident girls sexy. Hahhaha.

Oh come on, wouldn’t you like to seen as sexy bcos of your confidence rather than sexy becos of how you dress?

And for guys, as a gal, ofkos I will say that confident guys grab better attention than those who just sit on the sidelines. We see you first compared to the others. And we admire you for it.

So my brothers and sisters, what on earth are you waiting for? JUMP. And make sure the jump counts. Jump high vertically and far horizontally!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Realising the Truth

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Heya everyone, brothers, sisters. I pray everyone is in the best of health. Ive been cracking my head thinking about what topic to write today. Although (again), I have tons of things to settle, I'm taking this time to sit down, rethink my life and write about it so that anyone, anywhere in the world, who comes to read my blog can learn something. May all of us be blessed by Allah SWT's love and guidance.

Having given the responsibility to handle programmes for teenages, we always need to read to find points on what to share with these young people. Im not saying that I'm OLD or anything (:P). Hehe. Im just saying that, its this time in my life where the learning process must be parallel to the sharing and teaching process. Although we MUST have the effort to increase our own knowledge, our own Iman, we must not forget the other responsibility to share and talk about Islam to others.

When we look at the world as a whole, we notice how things spread thru campaigns. Products become famous because of the hype people create along with strong advertising strategies. These companies play with our wants and play with our minds. They convince us that we not only want that product, but it has become a necessity for us to have it. So in the end, we end up paying for things we dont really really need.

Ive been learning about innovation strategy and trends of markets as part of my PhD research. It is plain fact that ppl need innovation to simply get more money. So trends of how a certain product evolves depends on how the market (i.e people) view it, their perception and their understanding. When people are convinced, they talk to others, and in the end make a very big deal out of it, thus explain how hypes happen. Ok, before I start going into sentences with tons of jargon in them, I'll get back to the point Im trying to make. Hehe.

So again, people accept a product as something necessary because of the constant campaigning and advertising a certain company makes. And disappointingly, sometimes those adverts aren't really conveying the true situation. Sometimes its just bull to make you buy it. But no matter the bull they give you, sometimes you find urself convinced. And the end goal of the company is achieved.

Let us look at health campaigns. How would you convince the public to be aware of their health if no campaigns are done. How are people supposed to know if we dont tell them. Do you see what kind of strategy should be done to make the public aware of the existence of the campaign itself? Posters, talks, programmes. Do you see the effort needed for it to be successful?

I have been fortunate in being apart of the Anda Bijak Jauhi Zina Campaign. In Johor, we call it Jom Jadi Bijak. And I have had first hand experience handling everything - from posters, to campaigns in FB, to handling programmes, etc. And people should know that without committed people doing these simple yet very important tasks, the campaign itself will die as the people in charge stop campaigning.

From that fact, we should relate it back to Islam and Dakwah. Islam NEEDS campaigning a.k.a Dakwah. Islam NEEDS people to talk about Islam, to practice and show to the world what Islam really stands for, its beliefs and practices. Islam needs people who are committed in spreading Islam throughout the whole world. Without constant enthusiasm and effort, as history has proven (as well as research has proven), any type of belief or ideology will die along with its people.

So who are these committed people? Wake up everyone, go look in the mirror, because that someone is YOU. We are ALL responsible in talking about Islam, spreading the right practices of Islam, be a role model to others as an example to what Islam teaches. It is US who have this burden on our shoulders to keep Islam alive. If you haven't realised it before today, I sure hope and pray you realise it now.

And to become a person that is worthy to talk about Islam, you have to LEARN about it. You need the knowledge. You need to really practice the RIGHT Islam. Bukan celop sana sini.

Allah said:

Say, "This is my way; I invite to Allah with insight, I and those who follow me. And exalted is Allah ; and I am not of those who associate others with Him." (Yusuf: 108)

If you read my post about the message by Sheikh Said Rageah, about how we do not want to be in the unfortunate situation where the people around us blame US for not practicing or embracing Islam. We do not want to be is such a situation. So lets do something about it.

Everyone should realise that, being a da'ie, missionaries of Islam, brings nothing but good to ourselves, here in this world and InsyaAllah hereafter. You should understand that Islam doesn't need us. It is us that needs Islam. Allah will always find people to fight for Islam, to defend Islam even though we do not want to be involved.

And keep note that, the 'campaigning' of Islam should be done with the same effort (or more) as we would do for any such campaign or advertising. It is NOT something easy. I involves hard hard work and lots of sacrifice. But think about it brothers and sisters, WHY should be turn our backs on something we believe is the best? WHY should we cower when we talk about our way of life. If you really really believe in Islam, then WHY shouldn't we spread it to everyone else?

Don't be selfish and keep Islam to yourself. Share. If you care about the people around you, then tell them about this Deen. You have nothing to lose. In fact, Allah will reward you with heaps of pahala for it InsyaAllah.

The sad thing about the world today is, people take Islam for granted. Not many practice the REAL Islam. WE are not living like MUSLIMS.

Let us reflect where we stand in the world today. Have you done your dakwah today?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Being the Change in the World

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt

It has been an interesting couple of days for me. I have only found out how the words you write can spread like wild fire. After years and years and years of posting in my blog, do I realise its impact. My experience with blogging has been vast. I remember starting in 2004 when blogging was such a strange word to everyone else. Thank you to my sister Aliya for introducing it to me. This post is written caused by the overwhelming response Ive been getting for the past week.

Although whilst starting in 2004, there wasn't much to write about. And because of the increase of visitors to this humble blog of mine, Ive been going thru my posts from previous years. There were times where I find myself surprised with what Ive been writing about. During this self-reflection, I see how Ive grown thru my writing. There used to be lots of emotion in my posts. Now.. its implied. Haha (hopefully).

Anyhow, looking at the statistics in blogger, my hypothesis (the one about how people just LOVE controversial posts) is a definite true. Proven! Haha.

I now have readers from the middle east (Jordan, Egypt, etc) and the United States, and France and.. Hahhaha I think you get my drift. I wonder who they are. Hopefully just my juniours from school. Hehhe.

But dont feel threatened or anything with me mentioning it here. All of you are most welcome. You can stay and read as long and as many times you want :P And I promise I wont do any mumbo jumbo hacking to find out who you guys are. Unless you gimme trouble (haha.. now I sound like a mafia).

But I mean it when I say ahlan ahlan. What I meant at the beginning of the post was that I have NEVER, in my 8 years of blogging (although I wasn't active every single year) have I had this many visitors! Ha ha. I'd like to think that you guys read what I have to say because it makes sense. And because you can learn something from it. Hopefully good things.

It would really suck to realise that you only come here to find out what's been going on with my life, just to gossip and stuff.

But again, thank you. You guys have made my week all mellow and peaceful. I find myself eager to do some writing. You have given me a new sense of being, a splash of motivation to keep going and to keep writing. As a way (even though a small and tiny way) of bringing change to the world.

Next time, please drop a few comments my way. So that I know what you guys think. If you agree or disagree. I wouldnt want to be labelled "syok sendiri" any time soon.

This posts proves how something small can be so big to someone. You never realise how such a small gesture can influence someones day.

Thank you again.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Finding Your Soul Mate

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I noticed how people just love to read controversial posts. Hehe. Looking at the stats for my blog, the most viewed post was the one that consisted of my love letter to my future husband :) And apparently, after that very controversial post, my visitors/readers have increased a significant amount. Thank you for that. I just hope that you guys gain some insight and some lessons from most of my ramblings. I hope whatever I write in this blog will be messages that remind all of us the beauty of Islam, and bring us all back to Allah SWT if we find ourselves diverted from the right path.

So, as a 'treat', Im going to write about my quest in finding my soul mate =)

Although by now, most of you have read the expectations I have for my other half, I am sure many sisters out there feel basically the same way. No one wants a horrible husband/wife, no one wants an irresponsible life partner. Everyone wants the other half to be someone who can bring us to Jannah. Girl or boy, Im sure the situation is the same. The expectations the same.

Iklan: I haven't slept all night cos I had to finish a grant proposal. So I might be a little woozy by lack of sleep. So bare with my writing ok. Hehe.

I'll admit, finding your other half is not as easy as it sounds. People keep asking me when I'll be getting married. Friends, colleagues, co-workers, even family. There was a time when this made me feel very very stressful. But having grown up from all the experiences in life, you tend to go with the flow. Your maturity helps you understand the situation and accept that Allah's plan is way better that how we'd want our life to happen.

And yes, I've had my many disappointments when it comes to accepting and rejecting prospective candidates as life partners. Who hasn't. Oh ok, those who had it easy.. well, that's how Allah planned it for you. And congratulations. I only ask that you (whoever you are), to not compare. It's hurtful and insulting.

Ok, back to life partners. One has to face the facts that prospective males nowadays are becoming extinct. Those who are awesome, ofkos are taken. Those who from your point of view is a catch, just doesnt have the confidence to make the first move. Those who you see can definitely be partners dunia akhirah, just feels threatened by your academic qualifications.

Hmmm.. so sisters, what on earth are we going to do? I do not suggest not pursuing your studies just because there arent many guys also doing the same thing. I know that majority of the post grad students are females (in my department, 80% are girls). I don't know about masters, but I can assume that its the same case.

Come on, don't tell me you'd sacrifice the call for education and knowledge just for the sake of wanting to easily get life partners. One thing you shouldn't sacrifice is the pursue of knowledge. Even Islam encourages us to do so.If you are able, learn as much as you can. There is no shame in having a good educational background.

As for my brothers in Islam, wake up my dear brothers. What is this I hear that you always feel threatened by a sister who has a much higher qualification that you? Why do you hide and run the other way? Wake up and smell the seaweed. Be a man and face the facts. Better yet, go and GET that higher qualification if you want it. No one is stopping you but yourself. Don't break peoples heart just by giving this particular reason as a basis of rejection.

I write this all from experience. Yeah, it has happened to me. Numerous times. And I am no longer embarrassed to talk about it. With all the problems and experiences in the world, the fundamental principle in life is, someone out there has either had the same experience as you or much much worst than what you've been thru. Which is why we share. We talk, write and share. You never know whether with the sharing you do, someone who is going (or has been) thru the same situation can see it from a better light.

Life partners. Yeah, very hard to find. For me especially. There is always the issue of height. Hehe. I can't help standing out from the crowd. Its in the genes =)

Sometimes people say that I must be too picky. Some have tried to convince me that shorter husbands are not something so bad. Hmm.. let me stop you there. Although it isn't so bad, who doesnt want to have someone you can literally look up to? I am a serious romantic (lucky future husband ey :P), so I would love to be able to walk with my husband, holding his arm and having this sense of security. Which might work with a shorter husband, but I'll admit that it's hard to imagine.

English. Hmm.. another trait people seem to fear. As you can catch by now, you can assume that I would love to have someone who is good in English. But this is NOT a main criteria. I can live without the English. It would be a sacrifice from my part, but I am willing to do it.

My main criteria is someone who has a strong foundation in Islam, who is actively participating in Dakwah, who has the same beliefs and goals as me. If his Islamic practices are superb, then all the rest is not as important.

Im sorry to say, this is what saddens me. Don't tell me even these types are slowly becoming extinct. That would be a sad day. Very sad day.

So my brothers in Islam. If you are reading this, and you've been thru that thinking process of what to look for in a prospective partner, be a little lenient. Education should NOT be an issue. In fact, it should be an asset.

Whatever it is, I implore everyone to just be patient. Good things come to those who are patient. Don't think too hard about it because among the first things Allah had planned for us is our partners. So just wait and pray. InsyaAllah the day will come when you are reunited with your other half. Just don't stop praying.


As a treat, here's a song that made me write this post. Enjoy :)

Monday, January 09, 2012

I Don't Wanna Be Like You

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I know Im supposed to be doing something else right now, but I've been wanting to blog for quite some time. Since blogging requires actually having an idea what to write about, it's better to write before all the ideas seem insignificant and dated. So here goes.

I accidentally came across a video on youtube today, about a short and sweet speech by Sheikh Said Rageah at a Peace Conference. It really affected me personally. So I would like to share some points of his opening speech during the 2009 Peace Conference. Feel free to search for this video in YouTube. Among the points he mentioned in his 5 minute speech was about how we (as Muslims) should not be the cause of others not wanting to convert to Islam.

He first opened his speech with this ayat:

“And Allah invites to dar al-salaam [the Home of Peace] and guides whom He wills to a straight path.” (Surah Yunus: 25)

Being someone who believes in the day of judgement, of Heaven and Hell, there will come a time in life where these things pop up in our head. We try to imagine how the atmosphere would be, we close our eyes and dream of being in Jannah with everyone we know. We pray to dream of Paradise in our sleep, pray that we'll be able to smell the scent of Jannah when we wake up.

Assuming (and praying) that we have been Muslims all along until the day of Judgement, being dutiful to Allah SWT, following His commands and leaving everything else especially what He forbade us to do, Sheikh Said Rageah asked the audience to imagine how it would be like, lining up to enter Jannah.

But before entering Jannah, you realise that behind you, there is a long long line of people, all of them going other than Paradise. And you realise that the faces in this line are people you have seen before, people that you know. You realise that you know them by names, you've met them, talked to them before. They were your neighbors, your classmates, your friends and family. And each and everyone of them are there with a request from you before you enter Jannah.

So what will these people be asking for? They will have the simple request of asking Allah for Mercy, stating that the reason they have not been practicing Islam, the reason why they have not embraced Islam is because of YOU.

Nauzubillahi Minzalik

Today we don't need more Qurans to be printed, we dont need more interpretations of Hadith. We have enough materials and resources about Islam. And yet the people are not accepting Islam the way they should. Why?

Sheikh Said said that, the main reason this happens is, not because they do not see the beauty of Islam, BUT because they don't want to be like US. Because WE aren't living like Muslims.

In fact, a lot of youths are impressed with the western societies. They wan't to be like them, they want to talk like them, they want to move like them, they want to behave like them.

And when they see us as Muslims, they say "I don't wanna be like you".


Don't become the reason of people not wanting to convert to Islam. It is a fact that people see how great and complete Islam is, how wonderful it is as a way of life. BUT, there are those who will not convert simply because they see how Muslims behave.

I heard this Imam from US speak in the radio IKIM once, about how at first he hated Islam. He didnt see why people wanted to convert to Islam. The reason behind this was because his neighbors who were supposedly Muslims, were drug addicts. They were the gangsters in their neighborhood. And yet they declare themselves as Muslims.

One of the things I personally find surprising and sad is the use of the term "non-practicing Muslims". What on earth is that? People should understand that there is NO such thing as a non-practicing Muslim. If you are not "practicing" Islam, you are NOT a Muslim.

Do not be the reason why people hate Islam. Do NOT give Islam a bad name because of ur actions. BUT, just act as Muslims. Act and live how our Prophet lived.

And always pray that the situation with others blaming you at yaumul akhirah will not happen to you.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

A Tug in Your Heart

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

As I sit trying to blog, I find myself opening a sad instrumental song. And ofkos what we listen to at a specific time will always influence our emotion. And this melody, although so beautiful is making me think of so many sad things.

When I close my eyes, its like everything that has ever made me sad, made me cry, is passing before my eyes. Reluctantly, you feel so vulnerable.

Have you ever felt like you'd just want to cry more and more during upsetting events in life. Even though you already know you're sad, you just want to feel awful and force every single tear out of you.

Have you ever felt so lost and so far away from Allah that you think He won't listen to you anymore, that He has forgotten about you and that all your prayers are like bubbles in the wind - so fragile and insignificant? You feel the distance between you and Him is getting wider and wider that you have no idea how to feel worthy anymore. You feel like your prayers five times a day is so routine that you can't feel Him with you with every sujud and ruqu'. You feel like your prayer after solat is just something you repeat every single day that the meaning behind what you are saying doesnt affect you anymore.

You feel that something is wrong with you, that you've done so many sins that you are just like a speck in the wind.

You start thinking about what will happen to you if your life is suddenly taken. Consequences of past actions that you havent asked for forgiveness yet. You think about how to survive His wrath, His anger and His warnings. You feel like crying your heart out. You feel that you need to do something to get rid of this awful feeling, to get out of this disappointing situation.

Have you ever once felt that way? I have. There are always times these thoughts creep into my head.

But dear friends, please don't worry if you have felt the same way. In life, there are always times when we feel like jumping off a cliff. There will be times when you just want to stay under the covers, just be alone and think. There will be days when all you want to do is cry, that you want nothing to do with what's happening in your life. The feeling of running away from life, get out and not think.

There will be a time when you just need a good shout to release what you've been keeping inside. That's what it means by being Human.

Allah says:

“....And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly, no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve.” Yusuf : 87

Dearest friends, these emotions are gifts from Allah. He made us feel sad, He made us feel guilty for past mistakes, He made that tug in our heart, He made those tears come out. And it is with these emotions we rethink our life, the journey we are on whether it is towards the right path or not.

It is with these feelings, Allah is reminding us of Him. Making us reflect on what we have been doing, letting us know that He wants us to come back to Him. So never ever give up on Him.

Allah says:

“And whosoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” An-Nisa: 110. 

So be grateful for those tears. For all the emotions we feel. Be grateful just because we can feel. Crying cleanses the soul. So do not be embarrassed by your tears.

Just remember, tears that are evoked by the fear of death will be the source that saves us from the fires in hell. May it be a reminder to us all.

p/s: I attach the song I was listening to when I wrote this post

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Betrayal by the Ones You Love

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Friendship. When I say the word, there would be a few people whom will automatically appear in my head. These people are the ones who I hold close to my heart, whom I hold in very high regard, the people I turn to when I’m in distress. Friendship to me is very important to have a good and peaceful life, not to mention joyous as well.

But, what happens when your friendship is tested to the very last hurdle? Where you struggle to control your inner beast, where it makes the green monster in you want to appear and wreck everything in your path without any thought? What happens when all that you think about is “I had enough!” and all you want to do is have nothing in common?

When you have a friend whom you have known for three years, whom have faced the ups and downs together, whom have been by each others side when needed, it does not necessarily promise that you will stay as close as that in the years to come. I don’t think that anyone can promise to stay friends forever. Coz for me, whoever says such a thing is trying to promise something that they cannot keep.

What happens when in the years to come, one of you betray the other? This person, whom you have been in close contact with for so long, suddenly breaks your heart and has no feeling of regret in them?

It’s sad that there are such situations happening today. You just don’t expect such things to happen in your life. Inside, you just can’t believe that the person you considered a good friend would do such a thing. Man.. It’s so sad.

Yes, we know that friendship is incomplete without its ups and downs. We usually take the downs as something positive, and we rise up to become a better person inside out. But, we must remember that we are all still human. A human with feelings and needs.

“For a wound needs time to heal, but once it heals it doesn’t guarantee it will leave no scar”

However we try to heal a wounded heart, what makes you think the damage of a scar is not left behind? When things happen, it’s practically hard to be forgotten. The hurt will still linger, the amount of pain still remembered. Usually, with these hurts and pains people use as experience in the future. If a friend betrays you, it would be very hard to gain back their trust. There will always be a barrier. Nothing will ever be the same again. A fact of life we should all remember.

Oh how I wish such situations don’t exist. How I wish I could change the things happening in this cruel world. Yes, it is a cruel world isn’t it. But the responsibility rests on OUR shoulders to make the change. How? By instilling the RIGHT Islamic practice. By being examples of how Islam really is.

Like as our Prophet said:
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said : "A muslim is a brother to a Muslim: Neither he wrongs him, nor hands him over (to another). And whoso comes in need of his brother , Allah comes in his need ;and whoso removes a calamity of a Muslim, Allah will remove a calamity from the calamities of the Resurrection Day, and whoso conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his sins on the Resurrection Day'"(Bukhari and Muslim)

So my dear friends,
Reality check: How do we really treat our friends? Let's sit down, reflect and think about it.

Monday, January 02, 2012

Starting 2012 with a Huge Burden on My Shoulders

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Ok, let me get the cobwebs out of the way. Oh my, there's a heap of dust. Vacuum! And the pile of used paper -- ok, in the recycle bin! *dust* *dust* *dust*. Alright, all done.

Heya folks. Im BACK! Sorry for such a lengthy 'vacation'. This time, there's no concrete excuse to why Ive been ignoring my blog. Sorry blog. Sorry avid readers (as if I have any).

Let me start by wishing everyone Happy 2012. Although it doesnt really feel that different (unless you make it different). Lots of people welcomed 2012 with friends, going out doing God knows what. Others went to majlis ilmu, prayed and made the best for the beginning of the new year. Me? I celebrated with my pillow, in bed. Which is why I wasn't very grateful for the fireworks from 12.00a.m. to 12.30a.m.

I remember last year, on the night before new years, a bunch of friends and I, with IKRAM Youth Johor went out to JB as the task force for preventing unwanted maksiat. We went to Danga Bay, Dataran Bandaraya to give out leaflets about "turning a new leaf". This year? Hehe.. Everyone was kinda busy. And since the grown-ups had another programme, we didnt have the guts to go venture out without our bodyguards.

This new year, Im not going to say that I have new resolutions. It has never been a practice of mine to list out what I want to accomplish in the new year. Maybe I should start. Even so, I dont think Im going to list them out here. Hehe.. that part is private. I would just appreciate it if everyone can pray for me, and pray that I will always have the enthusiasm and will power to strive for the things on my list.

I have to say that there might be some major changes to my studies. A week ago, my supervisor asked me to think about switching research areas i.e. switch from Educational Technology to Engineering Education. I haven't really made up my mind just yet. I need Allah's guidance on that. But this change is very much relevant to the research I am doing. I find myself better understanding the research when I focus on engineering education. I see the big picture. I see where the research is going. Yet, I haven't decided. Because the cons of changing faculties is that I will have to attend more classes, AND I'd have to extend another semester before I can go thru my proposal defense. But, if Im being honest with myself, even if I dont decide to change my area of research, let's face it, its not like I am ready to present my proposal this semester anyway. I'm practically lost just trying to understand the tons of educational theories, minus the other parts of the research I have to cover.

So I attach the doa for Solat Istikharah for everyone. May it be a doa everyone can use and practice every time we have to decide on things in life.

0h Allah, I ask of You the good through Your knowledge and I ask You to grant me ability through Your power and beg Your favour of infinite bounty, for surely, You have power and I have none, You know all and I know nothing and You are the Knower of all that is hidden. 0h Allah if in Your knowledge, this matter be good for my faith (Din), my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then ordain it for me and facilitate it from me and grant me blessing in it. But, if in Your knowledge this matter is bad for my faith, my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased with it.

That is what's on my shoulders at the beginning of 2012. Like it or not, a decision must be made in a couple of days. So here goes. Pray for me.