Thursday, April 28, 2011

Tech Dilemma

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I might as well mention it here, since most of the time, 'discussing' things thru are so much easier than thinking about it alone. Currently, Im planning to buy a high performance, high quality laptop which will be able to resist the amount of work I always do using it.

I need a good one bcos, lets face it -- multimedia isn't something any type of laptop can stand. My post regarding my history with computers are in one of my previous posts.

So my options are:
1. MacBook Pro 13" 2.3GHz (RM3,399)
2. MacBook Air 13" 128GB (RM3,849)
3. MacBook Air 11" 128GB (RM3,549)
4. MacBook Air 11" 64GB (RM2,949)
5. Sony Vaio VPCEA45FG/L (RM2,699)
6. Toshiba Satellite E300 (RM3,299)
7. Toshiba Portege R830 (RM3,999)
8. Toshiba Portege R700 (RM3,799)

Im very much inclined towards the MacBook. But just looking at the prices in my list here makes me cringe! But nonetheless, I really need it. So folks, any thoughts? Or opinions? Do share, I really appreciate it.

Nuclear Explosion

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Opening my blog and writing a post has become something regular whenever I come to the lab. Which I think is awesome because I get to start my day writing my heart out, thus letting out some steam. Which ofkos means that I'll have a much clearer head when I have to start my readings.

Oh man, you should see my reading list! Let me list out a few so that you'll be able to understand the amount of facts I have to obtain in my head.

This week alone:
1. Assessing and Tracking Students' Problem Solving Performances in Anchored Learning Environments by B. A. Bottage et. al.
2. Understanding, Measuring and Enhancing Individual Creative Problem Solving Efforts by Dennis R. Brophy
3. A Training Program to be Perceptually Sensitive and Conceptually Productive thru Meta-cognition: A Case Study by Masaki Suwa.
4. Application idea for TRIZ theory in Innovation Education by Jiang Fan
5. The Developmental Nature of Meta-cognition and the relationship between knowledge and Control over time by Meribeth Cassidy Schmitt and Shuying Sha
6. Using Computer Supported Collaborative Learning Strategies for Helping Students Acquire Self-regulated Problem Solving Skills in Mathematics by Georgia Lazakidou.

Need I say more?

So at the moment, my head is full of words and jargons and all technology and education stuff. I find words like mnemonic strategies and meta-memory and hypercognition. Oh my God. Sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode! Haha.. Its like a nuclear explosion of information.

Anyhow, writing about how stressed I am and what's going on in my life does make a difference. Although, like Ive always said, I do have other more important things to write about (i.e. Important Family Events), sometimes the mood just isnt there. So its always preferable to talk about MY feelings. Hahha..

Orite, enough writing. Back to reading. I'll be back when I feel bored and sick of reading. Wait for a while, Im sure I'll be writing again today. Hehehe :P

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

To My Future Husband

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

This letter is written for my future husband, my future partner and the future father to my children. Even though I have yet to meet you, I pray that you are always in the best of health, under Allah's protection and Barakah, no matter where you are.

Although there is no way to determine how and where we will meet, my prayers are always with you, so that one day we will find each other under the best of circumstances.

My dearest future husband,
My expectations are not of a princess. I do not need all the riches of the world. All I ask is that you are rich with knowledge. Please do not feel threatened by labels and certificates. They mean so much less than the knowledge of Islam I pray you possess. I pray that you'll be my other half who will help me answer our children's' questions when I have no idea what to say. I pray you be there to finish my sentences and teach me where I am lacking, for I know I am.

I do not expect you to be as beautiful as Prophet Yusuf a.s, I will be grateful enough you becoming the light of my eyes. If we were meant for each other, if I am the lucky girl Allah created for you, then Im sure Allah will bring our hearts together and make us fall in love when we finally meet. How can I expect someone handsome and good looking, when I am but an awkward and clumsy girl.

My dearest future husband,
I know I am not perfect, so please know I do not expect you to be either. We both have our shortcomings and we will have to live with them for the rest of our lives together. So please do not judge me based on them, but I pray you accept them and understand that I am just human like you.

I pray you always see the positive side of things, for I know I am sometimes quick to make judgements without thinking it thru. I pray that we become each other's support when things are tough. Please be my knight in shining armor when Im looking for someone to save me. Keep me safe and I promise to always be there by your side supporting your every decision for our family's happiness.

I cannot promise that there won't be times when we disagree and fight, but please know that I will always support your sacrifices for Islam. Let me be the coolness of your eyes, let us struggle and strive together, keeping the Quran and Sunnah alive.

Help me become the Muslimah I wish to become thru this bonding, for with it I would have completed half of my religion InsyaAllah. I do not ask for all the stars in the sky, it would be enough that you sacrifice your whole being in gaining Allah's Redha. I would be so grateful just being there to encourage you and offer a helping hand, for you to lean on me when you need me. I'll be whatever you need me to be.

My dearest future love,
Although it is important for us to express our love for each other, Im not expecting a declaration of undying love. But what I ask is for you to love Allah unconditionally. For by loving Allah, you will love me because of your love for Him. And that is what is everlasting and eternal, till we meet again in Jannah.

I'll make you happy, I promise that I will try. Let me be your stepping stone to Paradise.

But if it is Allah's will that we do not have the chance to meet here on earth, I pray we will find each other in Paradise, where our love will be for eternity.

Whatever happens, it's all in Allah's hands. But I promise to never stop praying for you, for us and for all the years to come.

Till the day I finally become yours,
Your other half.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What Happened Last Saturday?

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Enough crying. I feel pathetic crying because of a perfect stranger. So enough oredi.

Last saturday was an auspicious occasion  for IKRAM Johor. Alhamdulillah a huge event was organised in-conjunction with the officiation of the IKRAM Johor Office Complex.

IKRAM is a non-government organisation which is a combination of several active NGOs in Malaysia. They include Pertubuhan Jamaah Islah Malaysia (JIM), Aqsa Syarif (who helped organise the Mavi Marmara), Musleh, and a few more. So all these NGOs are now under one name: Pertubuhan IKRAM Malaysia (IKRAM). Which is why we now use IKRAM as our official name for any type of programmes, all around the nation.

Anyhow, alhamdulillah our office complex is completed. The officiation was done by our own President of IKRAM, Al-Fadhil Ustaz Dr. Mohd Parid Sheikh Ahmad.

Here are a few pictures of the event. (I only posted pictures which have me in them. Ha ha :P )
Oh yes, I was the one who designed the backdrop :P hehhe

Ahmad, Ayah (Yang DiPertua DPN IKRAM Nasional), Mak (Im not sure what Mak's official post in IKRAM is, but she handles the treasurer's office) and Me. Ahmad and I are active members in JK Pemuda Remaja Belia IKRAM JBT. Im the secretary, Ahmad is the JK Media. We are an active IKRAM family alhamdulillah. :)

Kak Anie, Syaima, Me and CT Anie (Among my good friends in IKRAM)

Discussing with Makcik Khairul Suzana (JK Khidmat Masyarat Negeri Johor) about what my role was during the ceremony. Behind us (the ones wearing "flowers" are the JK Negeri Johor. This was all of us waiting for Mr President to arrive)

Us at the back of the tent. There weren't enough chairs so we were ready to give ours up for other guests. Hehhe

What wasnt in the pictures I posted was a 6-tent cover for the people who came, and the picture of the office complex. You can go to Pertubuhan IKRAM Malaysia Facebook for other pictures of the event.

Later in the day, Makcik Zairus invited me to her house for a get together with her student usrah group. Apparently I was invited bcoz she said I was outgoing and would fit in with her students (international students especially). Haha. Oh ok.

But it was fun. I got to meet 2 girls from Turkey and 2 girls from China. The rest were Malaysians ofkos. Hehe. Here is a picture of the get together.

When you look at the picture, the question going thru ur mind WILL be "Which are the girls from CHINA?" Hahhahahaha..

Well, I was surprised too when I found out. The girls from China were Baha (the one not wearing hijab) and the one wearing the polka dot scarf. They dont look Chinese at all right?! So after asking, they are from a northern part of China. More specifically a place called Uyghur.

Its surprising how the situation in Uyghur is. First of all, Ive never heard of Uyghur. But like the majority part of the world, Muslims are being discriminated just for the sake of religion. This time by the Chinese government. Killings, discrimination by religion, the taking by force, the elimination of culture; all the actions taken for ethnic clensing. Maybe we should look into this situation -- which I know we are totally oblivious about.

Anyhow, it was a fun treat -- getting to know new friends, laughing and sharing stories. I dont have many foreigner friends. The ones who are in my department are urghh... annoying and loud. They dont respect other ppl's privacy, they speak too loud, they are a little selfish and they get on ALL of our nerves. We can't stand them. So getting to know these kind girls was a breath of fresh air.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I need time. Please give it to me

You cant blame me for crying. You cant blame me for being sad and heartbroken. No matter how strong people think I am, Im not.

I know myself for being someone who is bad at accepting defeat. Im terrible at it. And I take such a long time to recover from it. So after receiving such a heartbreaking email today, it confirmed a few things that have been my fears for such a long time. Im not worth it. I dont deserve it.

I came home today from a programme feeling so rejuvenated, full of enthusiasm. But such sad news brought me right back down, After trying so hard to get my confidence back, it comes crumbling back down.

I dont know what else to ask from you Ya Allah. Maybe all this is my fault. I know it is. Please forgive me for all my short comings. Its because of who I am and what I have done in the past that has me feeling so humbled this night.

Im praying it rains the whole week, so that people wont notice when I cry in the rain.

So please everyone, let me be for a while. I need space to try to recover from this. Dont ask questions, dont try to include me in a conversation, because I dont think I'll a very good listener when Im suffering inside.

I might be absent for a while. So please dont expect any posts for some time.

Ya Allah, help me go thru this. Please.

Program IKRAM Teens JBT terdekat

Friday, April 22, 2011

Ayah's Birthday

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Hey everyone. I realised that Ive been procrastinating a few things in my life -- either it be big things or small ones, like writing in my blog. But today is a special day, and I have time on my hands, so Im using it.

Its Ayah's birthday today. 51 years young. Happy birthday Ayah!

Going to all sorts of programmes, KBM, JJB which have slots about parents, I rarely find myself not crying. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me the gift of tears, I am so grateful bcoz I'm still able to feel.

Our culture has never taught us to voice our feelings out loud. There's like this 'common rule' where we should conceal our feelings. More specifically, the feeling of love. Anger -- well, thats pretty common. We see ppl shouting and arguing everyday just to prove a point. But love? Its something so unfamiliar to be expressed.

Our culture molds us to show our love by our actions -- ye ke? Im just guessing. Kalau ni pun tak betul, then how is love expressed? Isnt it expressed at all?

During the parents slot in KBM or JJB, we can see how powerful words really are. If words cant be spoken, then convey it with words -- which I usually do.

So Ayah, even though I might not be able to say this in front of you (i.e. I might cry my eyes out), Im writing it down so that I'll be able to remember what I say every time I read it:

Sometimes I wonder if Ive ever shown my gratitude. For all that you've done for me, I ask myself did I ever thank you. For all my childhood memories -- the good ones, the bad, the unforgeable and the sad. But not even one ounce do I regret it. Becoz its the good memories that will last a lifetime, the bad memories that taught me to be strong, the unforgeable that I will share with my children one day and the sad which only made me love you even more.

Thank you for helping me deal with my life's stresses -- and you know Ive had quiet a few. But you were always there with encouragements and doa. Always reminding me about how Allah is always there with me, and that I should accept things as they are bcoz we dont know what Allah has in store for me. Thank you for helping me accept my defeats, even though Im bad at it. But you always make me think before I act harshly, keeping me calm before I do something silly.

Thank you for always celebrating my potential and my success. You've always believed in me. One of the many things I will always remember, is your tears of joy when I got 4As for UPSR. I know you didnt expect it from lazy old me. But the joy in your words and in your eyes has been a lasting memory till today. For all the success I gained since then, I dedicate them all to you and Mak.

Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work, good judgement, courage and being true to myself. I remember the long talks during our travels from JB-to-KL and back. You've always helped me with my decisions and keep me grounded, reminding me of my duty and how to handle people. Thank you for all the laughter and smiles you have brought to our lives.

Please dont stop praying for me. I know you wont :)

Happy 51st Birthday. We're always praying for your health and happiness. Love you Ayah! *hugs*

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Right Here Waiting

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Heya folks. Although there is so much to talk/write about, Im just feeling sentimental today. So Im going to post one of my favourite songs. An ever green song.

Im posting this for no apparent reason. Only for old times sake. I just love the song, the melody, the lyrics. This post has nothing whatsoever with anybody, living or passed away (disclaimer). So no making own conclusions ok. Enjoy :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My 'Naughty' Students

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Ive been putting this off for a while. There's much to write about, but these past two weeks have been a little hectic. With my out burst last week, and Aimi going off to Japan (that's going to be in another post), and being unwell for a couple of days, not forgetting business issues, Im like a walking zombie.

These past weeks have been painted with so many colours, that Im getting a headache looking at all the different hue and saturation. He he. Im talking about emotion ofkos.

*ignore the use of weird phrases. Im just practicing.

I just posted an album of my students. The Tuesday class and the Thursday class. The plan was to have all 3 classes, but somehow or rather I forgot (bcos one of them asked me a difficult question about his assignment. I was so engrossed that I forgot the group picture) Oh well.. *sigh*

Anyway, Ive been getting phone calls and smses all week long. My students are all trying to find me. "Nak mintak tolong akak tengokkan assignment kitorg, boleh tak". Hehehhehe.. Aduhai, kesian anak2 murid aku.

Some I was able to layan, some I couldn't because I was too high on cough medicine -- Ok, I better rephrase that. Hehe.. I wasn't feeling very well to go to UTM just to go meet up with them.

But today was so rewarding. Im still smiling bcos of it. One of my students sms'd me to meet up. It was a good thing I was feeling better (although still coughing horribly), I set off to the postgrad room to wait. I tot it was only going to be 1-2 people. Rupanya, datang 5-6 ppl. hehhehehehe.. Meriah bilik tu.

We all stayed there from 2.30pm, right till kakak technician tu 'halau' kitorg at around 5.30pm. hehehhe. And alhamdulillah, I was able to solve 2 of their assignments. Tu la die, when program code tu pegi copy paste without understanding what it is for, this is what you get -- a whole bunch of errors with no solutions, but to redo them from scratch. Hehhe.

They stayed up all night trying to solve it by themselves, but to no avail. Alhamdulillah I was able to understand the process under all the headache-looking coding. haha. To tell you the truth, I was kinda worried. Ye la, malu je kalau cikgu tak tahu mcmane nak buat. But alhamdulillah :) Thank you Allah.

I must mention the satisfying feeling of accomplishment. Dont get me wrong. What I mean is that, the coding was TOUGH. And to find out the solution and see the RIGHT output on the screen! Oh my, it was great! I havent felt like that in years. (I know programmers understand what I mean hehe). I wasn't the one jumping with joy. They were. Literally! hahaha.

Just would like to wish the best of luck to my students. Dengar cerita, exam susah. So make sure you study and do exercises. Good Luck kids :)

Below, a few pictures from last week. Im sure you can differentiate which one is SPS (Sukan) and SPI (Pendidikan Islam) hehhe..

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Welcome Folks!

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Its astonishing how suddenly my blog has many readers. The most popular post is "A Day in Pompeii". I have no idea why.

Visitors from the US, UK, African countries, all come to read that. I think it has something to do with image finder. They are looking for an image, found it, and it was linked to my blog. That's my conclusion.

The question I want to ask is, is that post controversial? Bcos I received some very nasty comments (although I didnt approve them) concerning this post. Is there a problem with it?

Yesterday and today (but yesterday especially), I received a bunch of visitors. Terkejut jap. Hahaha.. was my current post so interesting and controversial? Hahahha :P

Anyways, to my silent readers, welcome and feel free to leave your comments *wink*

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

"Get OUT of my CLASS!"

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Today was one of the worst experience in teaching I have ever faced. Today, my patience was tested again. But today, I lost the battle.

This week is the last week of teaching. That is for us, the 'teaching assistants'. There are only 2 more weeks of classes, but we have to stop this week due to some payment issues (I wont talk about that). So the other 2 weeks, the students are supposed to concentrate on their assignments and one week of study week.

Ive always told you that I have three classes to teach. One on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Im writing this post because of the events that happened in the Tuesday class.

Oh my God! I am so angry! And pissed off and heartbroken! This post is a venting session, personally for me so that I can get it out of my system. So please bare with me.

This Tuesday class has always been a problem. Since the very beginning. Never taking things seriously, never wanting to cooperate. Ive had to tahan sabar so many times. But I was able to get thru it. Today was a whole different story.

I was so happy to enter this last class for this semester. So being the person I am, I bought a Good Luck cake just to make the students a little motivated and a little happy before their tough final exams. It wasnt that expensive, but its the thought that counts.

So I went into class with no plan to teach, I just wanted to give them the cake, ask them about their preparations for exams and give out a few pointers. Other than that, I selit2kan a few nasihat sini sana.

Everyone was happy and laughing. Joking around, asking questions. Except for this one kid.

Arghh! Just thinking about it makes me want to scream my head off!

I was talking, addressing the whole class. Want to know what he did? He pasang lagu kuat2. I stopped a bit, and asked him to slow it down for a while. So he did.

Then a student asked some questions, yada yada yada. As I was answering, do you know what he did? He increased the volume of the song! YaAllah, org lain semua tengah dengar what I was saying, yang die ni pegi pasang lagu kuat2 even AFTER I asked him to slow it down NICELY. Twice!

YaAllah.. I was speechless! What kind of person is this? It was only 2 more minutes before I went out of the class. Including that time, it was the 3rd time he did that. IF he didnt want to listen to me talking, all he needed to do was get out of the class!

So when that happened, I stopped and looked at him with astonishment on my face. I couldnt believe what was happening. First came astonishment, then came hurt, then came anger. The rest of the class watched on.

And as I was reminded of all the times he was rude to me, my anger increased. So I shouted. The first time ever in class. You cant imagine the anger and hurt I felt. The only thing I was trying to do was help these kids. Help them learn, and pass their exams. But not one ounce of gratitude came from this particular kid.

IF he didnt want to learn, IF he didnt want to listen to me, then just get out of my CLASS! Argh!! I was so angry. I think my exact words were"
"Kalau taknak dengar akak cakap, get out of this class! NOW!"

Everyone in class went silent.

I was too angry by then. Those who know me will know what happened next. When Im too angry, and I shout. I always cry afterwards. I just cant contain my tears of anger. So rather than embarrass myself in front of the class, I went out.

But seriously, I was so angry. The least he could have done was sit at the back and browse the internet. Ni tak, kacau everyone else who wanted to learn. That was why I was so angry. If he wanted to fail this class, itu die punye pasal la. But no, he WANTS people to know he is protesting. He WANTS people to know that he is rebelling.

He has this attitude which needs to be broken. An egoistic attitude which will always bring him down no matter what he tries to do in life. Mark my words, he wont go anywhere acting all egoistic and rebellious like that.

So now these kids (I call them kids bcos if I call them adults -- which they should be -- it will make this seem so immature) are trying to gain my forgiveness. You can see it in my FB page. I dont mind the rest. They're good kids. Although some of them are naughty, they are not rude. So I have nothing against them. Some of them are just angels. I wish them the best of luck and pray for their success on earth and in their afterlife.

BUT this particular kid.. urgh! He's in danger of me not forgiving him.