Thursday, March 31, 2011

Its Official!

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I am officially writing this post at my own personal desk located in the post graduate room. Wohoo! Alhamdulillah, after much pursuing, I was finally given the spot I need.

My regret is that I was given a small desk, but after discussion with a colleague ( who rarely comes anyway), she let me trade places with her. Now Im in the process of negotiating a friend's place to be traded to a bigger desk too. Kesian die, cos she's one of the rajin one's who come to this room. And yet they traded her big desk with a small one, just to squeeze me in.

So now with this desk, I plan to make this place more livelier and ceria, in hopes that it will increase the motivation level of the 15 ppl in this post grad room.

Im also planning (InsyaAllah, Allah give me strength), so come here everyday, from morning till evening, so that I can concentrate on my studies.

Need to do a bunch of reading. AND prepare for the Intel interview if my proposal is shortlisted.

I should also be in the process of writing papers by now. Argh!! Why is it so hard to shift from one mentality to another. So frustrating!

Well ok. I better get back to work. Assignment due next week. I also have to prepare revision questions for my students :) Sayang pulak diorg bile dah akhir2 sem ni.

Other than that, all's well I guess. Apart from this long wait I have to go thru, everything should be going great. I wonder when I'll get some feedback...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Why Dont You Care?

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Such a beautiful song! Dedicated to all the Mujahids fighting for their Freedom. Our prayers are always with you!

After listening to Maher Zain's new single, rasa mcm sayu je. We've been listening to all sorts of news about what has been happening in the middle east, first with Egypt, then Libya, Lebanon, and so many more. During the demonstrations in Egypt, I always find myself sitting in front of the TV at 12 to 1 in the morning, just to see what was on the news. I can't express the feeling of pride seeing the Egyptians fighting as one, praying as one and helping each other for one purpose -- their country's freedom from oppression. Their unity, strong will and their trust in Allah's help were what made them reach their goal.

Now, looking at the situation in Libya, makes a grown man fall to his knees and cry. If you don't even have an ounce of sympathy and empathy, then there's something wrong. If you don't even know what's going on, then you should be ashamed of yourselves. You call yourselves Muslims, but dont even care what happens to your fellow brothers and sisters?

And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah's favor on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, you became brethren; and you were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus do Allah make His Signs clear to you: That you may be guided.
(Al-E-Imran, 103)

With the rising of freedom demonstrations across the Arab land, I ask myself about our situation in Malaysia.

I dont know how to explain the feeling inside my chest. All around the world, our brothers and sisters are fighting for their freedom to practice Islam. Yet here, many of us are still unaware of what is happening. Most of our community are too busy with their own lives, their own pursue of what they think is happiness, and their effort of satisfying their own desires.

Around the world, Muslims are being killed for their faith. Here, many just admit being Islam, but never feel the need to practice it. Its so sad. People are being killed for just being born. Here, many dont appreciate the freedom given to us.

Its so sad seeing my own people pretending to be what they are not, being lost in their own understanding of living life. Comparing what they think are success in life, without even thinking about the afterlife.

Some say about 'not being ready' to practice Islam. Not being ready to cover aurat. Not being ready to sujud 5 times a day. What is that? When will you be ready? Sometimes I feel like slapping them in the face and giving them a reality check. But only Allah has the right to give hidayah. Our job is to 'invite' them along, praying to be in Jannah together.

I heard a talk about Palestine the other day. One story that really stuck with me was the one told by Ustaz Hasanuddin (Director of Aqsa Syarif). During his voyage on Mavi Marmara, bringing aid and supplies to the people of Gaza. As they stopped in Turkey, loading supplies onto the ship. After all the supplies were bought and loaded, with the money left in everyone's pockets, each person used their last dime to buy sweets and chocolates for the children of Gaza, in hope that while the adults were busy with the supplies, they will be able to entertain the small children with treats. Just seeing them smile amidst the war and suffering they face everyday, would be so rewarding.

When the yahud laknatullah came and took over the ship, Ustaz told us how the soldiers just stepped on those treats. I cried during this story. It was so sad. I cried of sadness and of anger.

Ive had first hand experience dealing with children who were victims of flooding. The joy in their faces when people came to visit bringing treats, it's priceless. Such a satisfaction in making such innocent faces become bright with smiles of joy. Even that brought me to tears. Apetah lagi these small innocent children in Gaza.

Which is why, sometimes I feel so angry with our own people who don't think of others except for themselves. Individualistic people who only do things if it benefits them or will gain something in return.

We live in one world, a world we share, a world were everyone needs everyone else. Islam teachers us that all of us are brothers. Islam tells us to be united.

So my question is, do you know what's happening to the world today? Or are you just too busy living your life to the fullest? Tepuk dada tanya Iman.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Going Thru Life

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I watched a story the other day and stumbled upon one song which made me realise a few things. Since then, Ive been feeling a little weird.

Going thru life, we face all sorts of things. Challenges, happy occasions, fear, disappointments. Everything. Although we always complain about what we go thru, yet its these hardships that make us grow. I am thankful for that.

What I always dread going thru are the things other people say, other ppl's judgmental comments, their spite and bad intentions.

We live in a very judgmental world. Its as if everything has to have their own standard, its own unofficial set of rules. And if one doesn't follow them, they will be judged harshly.

Although I am lucky in life, I have wonderful parents, an awesome family, a bunch of supporting friends. Career wise, Im getting there.. BUT somehow ppl still see the bits and pieces that so-called "don't go with these set of standards".

Life becomes judgmental when we have immature ppl living in it, consisting of toxic people who's only intent is to see you go down. Ive been there and I know how terrible it makes you feel.

It has affected me in numerous ways. But one of the things that has stayed with me till today is my low self esteem. Although there is a saying "No one will be able to hurt you unless you let them", sometimes even a strong will won't be able to help you. Sometimes you just break down and give up.

I admit, I have certain issues I havent been able to overcome just yet. Maybe there are certain things in life I havent done just yet. But don't go and judge me because of them. Everyone has their own journey they have to go thru that Allah has planned for them. My journey might be a different one. Its in Allah's hands, so why must people question it and judge me for what hasn't happened.

Please ignore my ramblings. Like I said, Ive been feeling a little weird lately. Anyhow, here's the song. I dedicate this to a certain someone. Enjoy :)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Wohooo! :D

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I had a blast today. Mainly because when I opened my blog, there were comments! Wohoo! Thanks loyal readers! After such a long time with no input, I tot no one was interested anymore. But boy, was I surprised.

Today was a productive day. I was able to finish some backdated tasks. Spent the whole day in the Post Grad Room with no distractions except for emails and FB that is. Hehe.. You can never run away from those two important things. Especially when its one of the most important source of keeping in touch.

I was also able to revise the Intel proposal and submitted it to our Intel contact person. Somehow or rather, I really admire our contact. He's so laid back, he doesnt really mind about protocol, addressing himself by name. Even to me! I can understand if he was talking/writing to my supervisors, but to me? Haha. Even when I address him as Mr, he keeps repeating using his name. Which is cool! No barrier except for mutual respect.

If this proposal goes thru, I'm going to be extra busy in the next few years! hahaha.. well ok, months. Maybe right till the end of the year. I'm also starting to write papers (I NEED to for fast track evaluation, AND for me to fulfill the requirements for UTM Scholarship). So again, MORE reading. Haha.

Then I'll be busy with attending workshops and courses. Then data collecting. Wah... I'm really doing this aren't I.

And my super sporting supervisor keeps repeating that he wants to send me to present my research externally. Quote "Biar orang kenal awak siapa". Mak ai. Scary! hahha.

Anyway, here's a song that I think can be related to this tough journey I'm going thru. Pray for me and wish me luck. Pray that I am always strong facing these tribulations that come my way.

Enjoy the song!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My history with Computers

In my lifetime, I've had approximately 4 computers.

The first one was a Dell, which I used during my diploma years. It was SO heavy Ya Allah. Tak terkata how heavy. But I remember how my back hurt carrying it around in the LRT to class. But that one broke the last few months before I finished by diploma. Ha ha :P But I was able to salvage all the files.

The second one was my first ever laptop. A clean white Ftec laptop. I loved this computer! Ayah bought it for me as my graduation present. It helped me a lot during my degree. Ever so efficient and contributed in so many ways.

Also during my degree, I bought a desktop to help out with the more hard labor subjects like 3D and animation. My laptop wasn't fully equipped with the right specifications to handle such tasks. Even so, my trusty laptop was always there to help out whenever it was needed.

During study weeks, I always open both my computers. One was always to open any movies. I wouldn't really watch them, just open the movies to make sure there are sounds when I was making my notes. When I get bored, I'd just stop and watch for a bit. The other computer will be switched on to look for references or notes. So I'd be going from one computer to the next based on what I needed at that moment.

I dont recommend this method to those who are easily distracted by movies. Haha. Nnt dari nak study, terus tengok movies. But take note, I only do this when Im preparing my notes, not during studying. :P hehehe.

Anyhow, I loved both of my computers. Unfortunately, BOTH computers are somewhat MIA at the moment. I dont think I should mention any names, but after I lent them to someone, ade je rosaknye. Sedih bangaaat.

Right now, I cant even FIND my white laptop. I have so many important documents and files in there. And my desktop is like a white elephant. Its not working properly and I need to go fix it. But there's never time. Argh!

So now, I am using Ayah's laptop, a laptop he got from UTM, which is under loan. A few of its keys aren't working anymore, but I try to manage. This Acer laptop has been very useful. Its been practically everywhere I've been.

Even so, I need a new laptop. We are requesting some fund from Intel for my research. And if I get it, then the first thing Im going to do, is get myself a hard labor, high quality laptop. Maybe a Vaio or a Toshiba. Preferably a MacBook Pro. Hehe. InsyaAllah.

What's going on?!

I used to love writing and expressing myself here.

But now, it feels awkward.

I find myself changing my sentences. Deleting paragraphs of words, and starting all over again. Multiple times mind you.

My language also seems different. More skema-type.

Its as if I forgot how to inject humor and wit into my writing.

My conclusion? Must be all the reading I've been doing. I'm taking a sabbatical from novel reading, which might explain why its difficult to emphasis events and explain certain situations.

Or is this just a sign I've grown up?

Student Life

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I opened my blog today without any idea what to write about. But since I just finished spring cleaning my room, with this sudden enthusiasm for starting new things, I might as well write something in my blog.

Maybe I should update what's been happening this recent year. I resigned from my job in August last year. Since then, I've been officially given the title of student. Haha. Sometimes it feels weird, other times it feel awesome, but most of the time, it feels so wonderful. I admit that student days are always filled with 'hard labor' and all, but with the right kind of friends, its a memorable experience.

I am currently in my 7th month of PhD Research. I have this sporting group of friends, all in the EduTech department. I feel so grateful that my group of research consists of kind and supportive individuals.

Im not sure if I should write about my research. Well, since its still in research mode, its kind of confidential. I wouldnt want my research being copied anywhere. But from the positive feedbacks Ive been receiving from all the presentations I've had to give, it looks good.

I am currently in the "reading-until-you-get-a-migraine" phase. Haha. But seriously, it's very overwhelming. AND intimidating as well.

I have tons to read about! But never enough time to finish them. The more I read, the more things get complicated, and the more things I don't know. Now I understand the saying, "PhD is also known as permanent head damage".

The EduTech department has this special postgraduate room just for us PhD students. We have our own workstation with our own desktop computer. BUT since I registered a little later than the rest, mine isn't ready yet. Which of course means that I dont have a specific 'hanging-out' corner for me to recuperate. I wonder when my own space is going to be ready. I seriously need to get into gear. Right now.

Other than my research, I was also appointed as a Teaching Assistant this semester. The subject I have to teach is JavaScript. So I have 3 classes every week, teaching 1 hour per class. Oh wau. As I mentioned in my previous post, its very challenging, this teaching business. Although all the complaints, I still enjoy it. Hehe.

Anyway, just recently I was awarded a year of scholarship from UTM. Which means, UTM will be sponsoring my research for one year -- including tuition fees and monthly allowance. :). Which is awesome by the way. Alhamdulillah. I have no words to express my joy. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for easing this journey for me.

I will also be traveling to Penang a lot. A LOT. Especially this next semester. Oh wau. Traveling. Awesome :P.

Ok, so that's about it about my studies. I'll write again later ok *wink*

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

The Tales of Teaching

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I notice that I always find myself writing when everyone is asleep, while its quiet and I can hear myself think. With no hassles or datelines or phones ringing here and there. Fiuh. Hectic.

Its no wonder that qiam is done during the wee hours of the night. Its the perfect time to find peace and can think about nothing but yourself.

I'm kind of angry at my students today.

Oh before that, for those who don't know, I am a teaching assistant at my faculty. Currently, I am teaching JavaScript to 3rd year students. I have three classes each week. I teach on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Anyway, I will not mention which class.. but I am very disappointed with one of my classes. I gave them 1 week notice about the Lab Quiz I was going to do, and what do I find?

Tons and tons of excuses on why they can't answer the questions.

It was as if I didnt teach anything. AND they had the nerve to question WHY they needed to learn this subject, and WHY I had to put them thru this tough quiz. Ya Allah, sabar je la.

Sometimes, patience really pays off. And from the whole bunch in a class, its great to have at least one or two students who actually WANT to learn, who pay attention and ask when they do not understand. Its these students who motivate me to come to class every week.

It is also VERY sad seeing all these other students who think they can get away with anything. Sometimes I feel like saying "suka hati korang la!" sbb geram. But no, I keep it inside. Nak mengajar kene sabar.

Its so disappointing to watch my own race being so self centered and rude and acting like a know it all when it fact they dont know anything.

There's this one boy in my class, all he does is try to get my attention, talk LOUDLY all the time, and yet when he doesn't get it, he'll humiliate the friend next to him as if it was his/her fault. TODAY, during class, he came in, I gave the sheet of questions and he asked me "Akak, ni masuk dalam markah ke?"

Nak aje aku tanye, "Apesal, kalau tak, taknak buat ke?". But I didnt say that. I just smiled and said YES. But do you know what he did? He went to the back of the class and SLEPT! Yes people, he slept! Sikit lagi nak cakap "Kalau taknak buat, sila keluar". But again, I kept my patience.

However, I have my patience level. If he does this again, he'll get a very special present from me.

No one ever said that teaching would be easy. But in the short time I've been teaching, although there are tough times, I find that I enjoy it.

One of the most honorable professions is being a teacher or an educator. And I am proud to be in a family of educators -- right from my grandparents (both sides), to my great grand aunties & uncles, to my parents, etc2. So it would be such an honor to be among these wonderful individuals. I am proud to be associated with them, and I hope I will become someone worthy of joining the group.

Teaching. What a great way to contribute in life.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hard Decisions

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

This is the phase in life where I have to make really hard decisions.

I wont be able to do this without You Ya Allah. Help me make these decisions. Guide me to what is best for me. For my religion. For my family. And for my future, either it be in this world or the life hereafter.

Show me the way Ya Allah. I do not want to make these decisions influenced by others. I do not want to make these decisions because of people's expectations. I do not want to make these decisions because I want them to happen in such a way. Only you Ya Allah, know what is best for me.

Ya Allah, make me the Muslimah I want to become. Help me be istiqamah and sincere. I want to be like Khadijah, Aisyah and Fathimah. All the ladies of Jannah.

Protect me from temptation Ya Allah.

If this is the path You have written for me, then ease this journey Ya Allah. Guide me every step of the way. Without You, I am nothing.

Ameen Ya Rabb

I produced a video for this doa. Click to view

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Jika Aku Jatuh Cinta

Barakallahu Fikum

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Before I go to bed tonite, I'd like to update everyone about the events of today. I was supposed to go to KL today for my 10 year reunion. :( But as Allah destined it to be, I was ill and wasn't capable of going. It was kind of sad considering the fact that I was among the organisers.

Thanks Uswah and Anis for taking over what responsibilities I wasn't able to complete. I owe you guys lots! Pictures please! :D hehhe.

With the Bride :)
Since I've been 'quarantined' in JB, I was also able to attend a good friend's wedding. So not everything was lost.

Congratulations Puan Aizat Atikah! Barakallahu fikum. Semoga mahligai impian yang dibina berkekalan hingga ke Syurga Allah Taala.

Its custom for us not to kacau her with programmes for at least 2 months. Hehehe.. Its a good thing they're not going to move anywhere far. It not, we'll be losing a dedicated activist.

But after getting married, I sure hope we gain a new member in our team. Kan Aizat? :D hehe.. InsyaAllah. Baru mantap!

Ok, so just a quicky. I have tons to write, but I need the right setting to open up. So its gonna take some time. We'll see how I do tomorrow.

Over and out! *wink*

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Never Take for Granted

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Oh Allah, I seek the counsel of Your knowledge, and I seek the help of Your omnipotence, and I beseech You for Your magnificent grace. Surely You are Capable and I am not. You know and I know not. You are the Knower of the unseen.

Oh Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me in my religion, and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, then ordain it for me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it.

And if You know this matter is bad for me in my religion and my life, and for my welfare in the life to come, then distance it from me and distance me from it. And ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and help me be content with it.

Whoever seeks the counsel of the Creator will not regret it and whoever seeks the advice of the believers will feel confident about his decisions. Doa.. The weapon of the Believer!

Nearly a Year!

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Hello everyone! After nearly a year of absence, I am finally back! Wohoo! :D

With this new look and feel to the blog. I dont know why I suddenly have this sudden urge to start writing my heart out again. It came so suddenly that it took me by surprise.

Hopefully this 'new start' will bring more good this time around. Im planning to make good use of this blog. Pray that I'll try to be istiqamah.

Oh wau.  hehhe. So many things have happened, I dont know where to start! Well, apparently I havent been able to do much for the past 3 days. Been sick as a dog. All I did was eat, sleep, watch TV, solat, sleep some more, eat some more, shivering here and there. So most of the time I wasnt sleeping, I was in front of the computer doing God knows what. (watch movies most of the time *wink*)

So, during those three long days, I had this sudden urge to open back my blog and see what's happened to it. There is was, just as I left it.

Being the ever so eager person to make change before starting fresh, I decided to upgrade the design of the blog. Mind you, Im not sure if I'm finished yet. But having to look at programming every Tuesday to Thursday, Im planning to make this blog as uncomplicated as possible. Hehe. As the saying goes, "Less is more".

Ok, thats it for now. I need my rest to get better. So I'll be back when I can. InsyaAllah :)