Monday, June 29, 2009


So, after a couple of weeks feeling like crap, Ive finally gotten hold of myself. Alhamdulillah.

Please forgive my earlier ramblings and self pity posts that have gotten some of the ppl close to me very worried. I have to admit that it really took a toll on me and deeply affected me. So thank you for worrying and wanting to help anyway possible.

Uswah called me today. She said that she felt "guilty" coz she was so far away to talk to. Now Im feeling guilty for making her feel guilty. Uswah, you shouldnt feel guilty la. Hehe. But thank you SO much for calling. Terharu sangat.

To all my other friends whom have conveyed their worries, thank you, thank you so much. Although I never actually told them whats going on, but I very much appreciate their concern. I was feeling terrible about myself and about the reasons why I felt that way.

And of course to Aliya. My sister and best friend. Sorry sbb me suruh you call from so far away. That must have cost a fortune! But thank you for doing it anyway.

I'd very much like to convey my deepest appreciation to a good friend of mine who knows when to slap me when I need a good wake up call. Im not sure I would have gotten out of this emotional turmoil if not for this friend. Thanks Kay. Although you dont read my blog, Im saying thanks in here anyway. Haha.

After talking to Kay, it made me somewhat feel like a pathetic little princess crying her heart out coz she couldnt get what she wanted. That was harsh, but in a little odd way, I think that was how the situation actually stood.

I have to admit that nothing had me feeling so pathetic before. Oh okey, that might be a little wrong. The last time I felt like this was when I broke up with a someone. Hahahha.. Im not gonna bring that one up anytime soon, but yeah, it was bad. But that was different. This time around, it concerns my future.

Some people would say that you've got to keep strong and keep on fighting. That we should count our blessings and be patient with whatever comes our way. Although all of these advices are very true, I have to keep a firm stand when saying "you have to go thru it yourself to fully understand how hard and painful the situations really are".

Why dont you try to go thru what Ive been thru, and try to be strong. Then Ill ask you how you would feel when someone tells you that straight in your face, when in fact they dont even know whats going on. Then tell me u dont feel irritated and feel like you wanna slap them. Being patient when tribulations come ur way is something you have to work on. It doesnt come easily as we say it. It takes hard and tiring work.

There's a saying "It is in times of crisis where true character is revealed". I asked Kay about this. Does this mean that Im bad dealing with crisis? Does the crisis include situations under pressure, emotional turmoils only or what? Coz if this is true, I suck under pressure. Does this mean Im a terribly weak person inside? What does "times of crisis" really mean?

Ive always believed that I make good decisions under pressure, that I try to see all the positive sides of a problem before deciding how to continue. Ive always thought that I am a fighter, that I handle problems faced my way with logical thinking and faith. But somehow or rather, this was not how I dealt with this problem.

Its very confusing. And worrying. Have I gone all weak or something?

But then I remembered what my counsellor at Uni told me once when I came to her with problems concerning handling people. I was holding many posts back then and I broke down coz I felt that I couldnt handle it. She told me that everyone has weak moments. There are sometimes phases where we feel really really down with no apparent reason, no matter who or what post you hold. We are just human beings with feelings that go up and down just like our Iman. Sometimes we feel confident and brush off any harsh statements shouted our way. But other times, we are suddenly extremely sensitive that even someone accidentally bumping into you will take a toll on you. You might feel that they did that on purpose or something.

And she said that people with a strong faith will always bounce back to their old self with time. Some take a very short time to heal, others longer, depending on what they are faced with. But this does not mean that we are weak. Its just that each problem is different and that people handle them in different ways. Being strong isnt forcing oneself not to cry if someone dear passes away. Being strong means that you take the time to heal and then bounce back when you are ready. The important thing is to bounce back. Ppl who are not strong will keep being in one emotion without any desire to change it.

So no, Im not weak. I dont want to be labeled as a weak person. But I have weak moments. Everybody does. Its a part of being human. Its a part of learning. It is also a process of being a good Muslim.

My Naqibah once said that "A Journey of a Muslim will not be a smooth one. It will be filled with tribulations and all sorts of problems. If our life is all serene and peaceful, then we are not good at doing our responsibility as a good Muslim. The problems Allah faces us with are to remind us of Him and to give us pahala for handling them. The tougher the problems, the bigger reward we will gain when we face them with a strong faith."

So Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah for facing me with this situation. I know that what Im going thru is what is best for me. That its a lesson for me and to make me into a better person inside and out.

And guys, Im fine now. Thank you. Although I still dont know what to do next, Im getting there. I need to sit alone, meditate and think about my future. All I need is all your prayers.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Death of MJ

Im not sure why Im writing a post about this. It would have been in a better light if I mentioned the passing of one of our famous Ulama' a few weeks back, Fathi Yakan.

But Im writing about it anyway. I dont think I was in the best of mental state when Fathi Yakan passed away, so I didnt have the chance to write about it. But he did, so Innalillahi wa Innailaihi Rajiuun. Let us continue his quest in spreading the beauty and thruth of Islam around the globe. Ameen.

So today, as I was making some donuts at home, mak came in the kitchen saying that Micheal Jackson just died. Oh okey. I was slightly shocked. Im not really a huge fan of MJ, but since he converted into Islam, I see him in a different light despite all his previous scandels before.

Innalillahi Wa Innailaihi Rajiuun. If he has indeed converted into Islam (which I hope is true), then May Allah bless him. And May Allah give the people around him the strength to bury him the Islamic way.

Watching the news, CNN, BBC, whatever news channel, even E! -you'll see the fans gathering everywhere in tribute to him. But I havent yet seen anyone cry their hearts out. They are all smiling and singing his songs. When reporters ask them why they are doing this, they say that they are gathering together as a simbol of love and that MJ brought them all together as one no matter race and skin colour. Secretly Im hoping someone would mention religion.

Let us pray that MJ will be burried as a Muslim, and that would really bring all his fans together to understand how beautiful and peaceful Islam really is. Ameen.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Tuxedo Man


Here's Ayah in his Tuxedo! Hahhaha..

Hensem kan. I LOVE guys who wear suits and tuxedos. They look so smart and hip.

Ayah's tux is custom made and VERY expensive. Hahaha.. But since UTM practically requested (thats the polite term for ordered) the VIPs to tonight's dinner to wear a tux, he had to do it. But no biggie, UTM paid for it. Haha.

Anyway, a tux with a bow tie always reminds me of Bond, James Bond. Hahhahah.. So Ayah can be "Im Ayah, Ayah Bond" hahahhaha..

Opps, forgot to mention what dinner it is. Its a dinner sempena Majlis Pentauliahan Diraja untuk palapes seluruh Malaysia -- Where UTM is the host. So Ayah gets to have dinner with all the admirals, captains and what not.

Mak was also invited, but she didnt want to go. "Mak takde baju la.." Hehhehe..

Just Another Sad Song

Here's just another sad song to listen to.

Cinderella - Steven Curtis Chapman

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Its Pathetic

This is so pathetic.

I cry when I find myself alone. Yet Im not in the mood to socialise.

I have tons of work to do. Yet I cant find the mood or the enthusiasm to even start any of them.

I listen to very sad music. Yet I find myself angry that I cry every single time.

I hate crying myself to sleep. But crying is so exhausting.

I just want to be alone. Yet being alone is so depressing.

I dont feel like being cheerful. Yet Im tired of feeling down all the time.

I want to talk to someone. But all the people I want to talk to are so far away.

Each day goes by so fast and I find myself doing absolutely nothing. Its so pathetic.

I need to get out of this depressing feeling. I need to move to a different emotion.

My head hurts all the time now. I cant think. I dont know what to do.

Help me please. I cant stop crying.

Monday, June 22, 2009

7th Heaven

This is my ultimate favorite TV series ever! It was a fell in love-at-first-watch kind of thing and Ive never stopped loving it, even after it stopped being aired on TV. I remember this TV series being a huge part of my childhood (in Malaysia ofkos), and waking up real early on Sunday just so I didnt miss it.

I still love it now. If only I can find the whole 11 years of God knows how many seasons of 7th Heaven there is. Id gladly watch them over and over and over again. I dont remember which season I stopped watching coz the TV companies didnt wanna air them anymore. I kinda caught up with it watching online, but one can only sit in front of the computer for so long! If someone buys this series for me, Id be so in LOVE with them! Haha.

This craze for 7th Heaven restarted when I found out that StarWorld is showing it again on weekdays at 3pm. Ill be ready right there in front of the telly at 3pm sharp. You can count on it.

Here's a recap of the opening credits for this series. I love the song and Im totally gonna make it my ringtone from now on! Haha. Enjoy!!

Life Tribulations

I know Ive posted this video before. But the last time I did, it was like a dedication for all the ppl I wanted to thank. Today the motive is different. I post this video bcoz of the song's words. Now, more than ever, I need to be strong and continue to climb. Please guide me YaAllah. I need You.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Small but Huge!

These couple of days has been very.. whats the word to use.. emm weird yet strangely self-fulfilling in a way. Eh wait, thats not the right term to be used.. emm.. ok, Ill label it later.

1. The last few days have been very busy in a way. Luckily I didnt have time to sit in my room, alone, feeling terrible about myself. Which is good. Like I said, distractions are a MUST. So Distraction Part 2 (continued from the previous post) -- I was invited to join a small picnic with the gals at Hutan Bandar Mutiara Rini. It was awesome! Haha.

The Hutan Bandar is fairly new, and they have small houses representing each daerah in Johor (eg. Yong Peng, Batu Pahat, Kluang, etc2) These houses pulak are very cool places to hang out. The views are great and its very cool in these small huts.

After eating "brunch", we went along the park to take pictures! Haha.. what else? :P So here are a few pics. Enjoy!

2. I went to LU this week after missing out for about 3 weeks (due to our Naqibah yang tak free and school holidays), and we had a new addition to the group of oredi loud and cheerful bunch of girls. So now in our Usrah, we have 3 Atiqahs. One is Atiqah, Two Dr. Atiqah and Three Atiqah Junior. Hahhaha. So bile panggil Atiqah, all 3 pairs of eyes are gonna be looking at you. Very intimidating you know. hahha..

Anyways, as we were doing our taaruf, I was the last person to introduce myself. As I was being all gedik, suddenly Makcik sampuk and said "Makcik Kiah geram la tengok pipi Amirah". I was like "haa?!" and everyone laughed out loud! Hahahhahahaha.. Ya Allah, malunye bile org ckp mcm tu. Seram pun ade jugak. Nasib baik makcik yang ckp mcm tu and not those from the opposite gender. Dush dush, malu giler la.

Although it did put a smile on my face, I see it from 2 points of view -- One, wau thank you for the compliment. Two, daymn i need to diet. Hahhahha. But it made my day *wink*

3. I went to Jusco for lunch today, with Wani and Abidah. As we were waiting for Wani to arrive, I bumped into one of the Kakak from UTM. I seriously dont remember her name. Haha terukkan. But since I did my practical at UTM, specifically at HEK (Hal Ehwal Korprate), a.k.a Ayah's office -- I know most of the kakak2 there and they know me too. Being the always too perky youngest girl at the office AND also anak bos, it isnt surprising. Although I like to think that they are rapat with me bcoz of me not bcoz they feel the need to (coz anak bos la kan). Haha.

Anyways, kakak ni baru bersalin. The last time I visited my former office, she was on maternity leave. So when we bumped into each other today, rasa mcm seronok sgt. I was just about to ask her about her baby when she said -- "Mira, akak namakan anak akak Amirah tau". I was like.. "Whaat?! Serious ke akak?" Mesti la terkejut kan. Then she said that she named her daughter Amirah coz of me. "Akak namakan Amirah sbb teringat kan awak, Mira kan pandai, baik, akak nak anak akak jadi mcm awk".

Ya Allaahh.. terharunyaaaaa.. I was so HONOURED by this. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. Baiknye kakak ni. I was speachless! I didnt know how to respond to that. What do you say to something like that? Nothing comes to mind. Nak ckp thank you mcm kelakar la pulak.

But again, it made me smile and feel really good inside. Allah works in wonders. How He makes our day and give our confidence back is so miraculus. Even something so small can make your day worthwhile. Thank You Allah for these small miracles in life.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Distractions Part 1

After so long wanting to go mandi manda at a waterfall, finally it was able to be done. A bunch of us (Alumni SMIH) who were at home came together for a rehlah at Air Terjun Kota Tinggi -- bout an hour drive from our neighbourhood. A Girls Day Out.

It was a blast! I had the flu, my head was hurting, my sinuses were working up, my chest hurt coz of coughing too much, but the trip was SO worthwhile I tell you. A great distraction.

Thanks girls! I needed that. It was a day filled with honest pleasure. A great feeling to be honestly happy and enjoying one's self. Didnt have to pretend I was happy for one bit.

So, picture time!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

YaAllah Please Help Me

I just want to crawl somewhere and disappear for a while. I need to get away. Away from this. I dont want to think about it anymore!

Yeah, this useless feeling is slowly creeping back and Im afraid its going to stay with me longer this time around. Its too tiring. I want it to go away!

I have no idea what to do now.

What are dreams when everything you've planned is suddenly taken from right under you? Its so scary.

Why should I go on?

People say that Im strong, that Im a fighter. But am I really? Or am I the type that gives up at the first sign of failure? I dont know anymore.

Rejection after rejection after rejection. Im starting to lose hope. This might not be the path for me. So what is? I dont know anymore. Im lost.

Im tired of crying. Oh yeah, Im a better actor than I thought. I smile and laugh when inside my heart is just breaking into pieces. Damn. I hate this. I hate crying till my head hurts. I hate crying myself to sleep.

I need distractions. Yes, that it. Distractions. I need to keep busy. Ill deal with this when Im ready. Im not ready just yet. Please stop with the questions. I dont know how to answer anymore.

Ya Allah please help me. I need Your guidance and love. Please show me the right path.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


The lyrics of this song might not really relate to how Im feeling at the moment, but the tone of the song does, and so does its title. Ive always liked this song, I dunno why -- in a rebellious sort of way.

Broken - Seether (feat. Amy Lee)

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

Puan Aisyah

Yeah, you guys guessed right. Another one of my friends got married. I told you this year is batch 3 (SMIH) balas dendam year.

People (as in parents) keep asking us (as in batch3 of Sek Men Islam Hidayah) when we're getting married. This might be caused by the increasingly rapid quantity of juniors marrying before us. So amik kau. Sekali gus semua.

Now those awkward questions are directed to those who havent yet tied the knot. Which of course includes yours truely.

Anyways, here are the pictures for Aisyah's wedding with Imran. I helped her decorate her room, teamed up with Abidah.

Abidah and I also helped her get ready since she didnt want a mak andam. Hope she looked ok, coz we arent experienced "makeup" artists. I dont wear makeup myself, so how the heck do I know how to make others up. Haha. Enjoy the pictures!

Congratulations to Aisyah & Imran. I had a fever time nih, so I hope tak jangkit kat sape2. May your marriage be filled with all the happiness you deserve. Ameen..

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sedih dan Pilu

Our Johor community were shocked by the news of an accident involving our fellow malaysians in Mesir. One of the victims is my brother's friend, also his schoolmate since kindergarden, also my mom's student, also my junior. He used to be our neighbour.

Here is the news we received early this morning. Please read.

Saif Terlibat Dalam Kemalangan di Ain Sokhnah

MESIR - Sahabat kita Mohd Saif Jamaluddin, telah terlibat dalam satu kemalangan jalan raya di Ain Sokhnah. Seorang daripada 5 telah pulang ke Rahmatullah dan yang 3 lagi dalam keadaan kritikal. Saif telah dilaporkan selamat dan sekarang dalam keadaan stabil. Laporan mengatakan mereka semua dalam perjalanan pulang dari ain sokhnah untuk survey dan membuat tempahan tempat rehlah.

Semua yang terlibat adalah ajk program rehlah gen6 kaherah yang akan diadakan selepas selesai ujian lisan. Pagi sebelum kemalangan, mereka baru selesai ujian bertulis. Dalam perjalanan pulang kereta mereka terbabas dan ada yang tercampak keluar.

Ini info dari website pelajar perubatan mesir malaysia:

Sedikit makluman terkini berkenaan kemalangan yang melibatkan pelajar-pelajar perubatan Universiti Kaherah. Kelima-lima pelajar ini ketika itu sedang dalam perjalanan pulang dari Ain Sokhna. Pelajar-pelajar yang terlibat :

1. Mohamad Saif Bin Jamaluddin (Tahun 2)
-dalam keadaan stabil

2. Abdul Rahman Bin Ramdzan (Tahun 3)
-masih kurang stabil

3. Muhammad Akram Bin Abd Kadir (Tahun 3)
-masih kurang stabil

4. Muhamad Fitri Bin Tokiran (Tahun 3)
-dalam keadaan stabil

5. Muhammad Ammar Bin Zulkifli (Tahun 3)
- telah pulang ke Rahmatullah

Kelima-lima pelajar tersebut telah dihantar terus ke bahagian kecemasan Hospital El-Arab Suez. Setelah itu, Jenazah Ammar akan diambil oleh pihak kedutaan, manakala baki keempat-empat pelajar sedang dipindahkan ke hospital Faransawi, Kasr El Ainy dan insyaAllah tiba di sini pagi ini.

Saya merayu kepada semua para pelajar PERUBATAN, di Kaherah mahupun di semua cawangan-cawangan yang lain, tidak kira di manapun anda berada, buatlah solat hajat dan doakanlah kesejahteraan kepada mereka khususnya kedua-dua pelajar yang masih tidak stabil.


We have many alumni SMIH (Sek Men Islam Hidayah) currently in Kaherah, Mesir. They have been updating us on this matter since the incident happened. Each news that reach us make us sadder everytime. I just received this email thru our AlumniSMIH yahoogroups.


Kami baru pulang dari solat jenazah. Alhamdulillah ramai pelajar2 dan pegawai2 yg datang memberikan penghormatan terakhir kepada arwah. Suasana pilu menyelubungi Dewan Malaysia Abbasiah Kaherah sebelum jenazah tiba untuk disembahyangkan. Jelas terpancar raut kesedihan wajah rakan-rakan Ammar walaupun masing-masing cuba untuk senyum semanis mungkin bila berjumpa. Semua masih sugul dan terkejut untuk menerima kejadian yang menimpa rakan-rakan. Salah seorang mangsa kemalangan, Fitri turut hadir dengan tangan berbalut dan sedikit kesan-kesan luka di leher.

Berita terkini, Abdul Rahman Ramdzan mengalami kecederaan patah tangan dan luka-luka di badan termasuk hampir seluruh bahagian kiri muka (mengikut cerita sahabat2 yg pergi ziarah). Seorang lagi, Mohd Akram masih koma, mengalami pendarahan dalam kepala. Kemungkinan besar pembedahan akan dilakukan esok. Doakan semoga beliau boleh cepat sedar dan sembuh selepas ini, dan tak alami kesan yang major memandangkan kecederaan melibatkan bahagian kepala dan otak. Kemungkinan besar akan beri banyak efek pada sistem saraf dan memori.

Dan tak lupa juga, doakan untuk Saif Jamaluddin. Sekarang ini masih di balai polis di Suez, ditahan untuk soal siasat kerana kemalangan ini dikategorikan sebagai kemalangan maut. Berita tak rasmi kemungkinan kes ini akan dibawa ke peringkat lebih tinggi. Harap semua tak putus untuk terus doakan. Saif masih trauma teruk, dari lepas accident masih tak lalu nak makan. Lebih-lebih lagi dia yang memandu, dua sahabat cedera teruk dan sorang meninggal. Apatah lagi, Ammar menghembuskan nafas-nafas akhir di pangkuan Saif.

InsyaAllah jenazah Ammar akan diterbangkan pulang malam esok.

QadarAllah.. Maa sya'a fa'al. wa maa lam yasha' lam yakun.
Sama-sama bg semangat kat saif. Siapa yang ada nombor dia blh bg sms motivasi untuk dia. Semua kejadian ada hikmah untuk kita belajar. Ujian Allah beri untuk hapuskan dosa, dan tingkatkan martabat manusia..

Allahu a'lam.

Salman Abdul Rahman
Kini di Mesir


sedikit penambahan :

akhi akram akan menjalankan pembedahan malam ini (waktu Cairo) kerana menghadapi laceration of the brain..
manakala akhi Abd.Rahman akan menjalani beberapa pembedahan esok di bahagian tangan..
acetabular fracture and some fractures of radius and ulna.(Forearm)

doakan akhuna Saif..masih dibelenggu trauma..
syahidnya sahabat dipangkuan riba.
moga terus diberi semangat..

la yukallifullahu nasfan illa wus aha-

wallahu wa rasuluh a'lam-

Abdullah Azzam
Kini di Mesir

Very grave news indeed. Di doakan Saif diberi kekuatan untuk mengharungi ujian Allah ini. Semoga dia tabah dan dipermudahkan segala urusan. Alfatihah buat saudara kita Ammar.