Friday, August 12, 2011

I Miss My Sisters

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

This might just become a routine -- you know, writing (more like venting) before bed. The last 2 posts that have the word 'bed' in it were written via my iphone. But this time, Im writing with my laptop.

Four days from now, two of my sisters are coming home from overseas. And I can't wait! The last time Aliya was home was the end of last year, Aimi has been in Japan for approx 4 months.

Im feeling a wee bit emotional this night. I want my sisters. I need my sisters :(

The news I got from my supervisor at around 4pm has just got to me. I kept my cool when she told me, but its been eating my heart out bit by bit since petang tadi. And now, when Im alone (everyone else dah tido), the emotions Ive been repressing has finally found its way out. And I need a long hard hug.

How wonderful it would be to become a child again, innocent, young and free of problems.

I miss my sister.

Like my post in FB, Ive had my fair share of disappointments this year. In fact, not just this year, for the last two years. Lots of crying myself to sleep, lying awake thinking in the dark, private crying sessions, private therapy sessions with myself, private crying sessions with Allah. Its been a tough 2 years.

Tests and tests of patience and strength, one after the other. Disappointments, failure, rejection, another disappointment, bad news here and there, another failure, more lost hope.

Don't be fooled with my smiles. You don't know how I actually feel inside, what Im going thru. And my way of venting is just thru this lonely blog of mine. And noticing how rarely I write, it goes to show how rarely I get to vent out.

And yet, we are taught to never loose hope with Allah's Rahmah, His Love and His Barakah. What He makes us go thru are tests of our Iman, reminders for us, for me.

During the course of these couple of years, there may have been times when I forgot about Allah. Times where I forget to be grateful, times where I forget to doa, times where I take things for granted.

My life is not perfect, I am not perfect. I miss my sister. I miss talking to someone and just cry my heart out. I miss sharing my heartache, my problems and my faults without any judgement. I miss my sister.

Im sad with the news I got today. Yes, really sad. But that's what Allah destined it to be. He wants me to work harder, to earn what I want. And I will InsyaAllah. I am sad, but life moves on. Time doesnt wait for us. It doesnt wait for us to heal, to get back on our feet, to stop moping around. It moves on no matter what.

I guess, I just need good news for a change.

But I still miss my sister..

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