Right after the “incident” I mentioned before this, I realized something. I’ve changed a LOT. Today Kak Put asked me, “Mira, pernah tak mira terfikir, mira dah berubah?”. I thought about it for a while, and the answer is yes. I have changed a lot.
Then she asked me, “Pernah tak terfikir, siapa yang buat mira berubah?”. Wau, good question. I have to think about that one.
During the drive home, I thought about it. And I’d say that there is a specific person who “encouraged” this change in me. Name? I don’t see the relevance of mentioning it.
I think this change happened approximately 5 months 2 weeks and 4 days ago.
People always say we need to Muhasabah ourselves. That’s exactly what I did today. I used to be the reserved kind of person. If I was sad, I’d keep it to myself. If I was angry, I’d be angry alone. I’d only show people the “happy go lucky” side of me. But now, after all that has happened, I have learned to express myself, tak kira marah ke, suka ke, sedih or even irritated.
I no longer have this “scared” feeling of confronting someone I’m angry with. I no longer feel weak at the knees; no longer have butterflies in my stomach. But I straight away say what I think and feel.
I also realized the fact that I’ve grown to be sarcastic when I want to. Many have felt the nasty and biting comments I’ve voiced out since. I’m sorry if those people feel weird around me now, but you actually deserved such comments. I just stated out the truth. And you know how sometimes, the truth hurts.
Yeah, I guess I have changed. But changes are sometimes for the better. We shouldnt really try to see the negative side of it, but try and make do.
I hope to update my blog frequently, but seems like i dont have the appropriate time. But, I will try.