Thursday, January 26, 2012
With Dawn Comes Hope
Assalamualaikum WRT WBT
In the wee hours of the morning, when all is quiet and all you hear is the sound of silence, you find yourself reflecting on life. You find yourself longing for this time of day. Longing for the silence, longing for the peace of mind, longing for release. It doesn't matter that you deprive yourself of sleep, as long as you can be alone with your feelings. This is the best time to think, to cry and to ask for forgiveness.
Sometimes, you dont even know how to put your hurt into words. And everyone knows that some people cry not because they are weak. But because they have been fighting to be strong for too long, they just can't help but shatter inside.
When all you've been trying to do is live your life as you see fit, but the people around you, who do not agree on the choices you've made or the path you have chosen, question you and mock you.
As the night goes on, you wipe away the tears that doesn't show any sign of stopping. Again and again you are aware of your eyes momentarily closing to keep the pain inside. You realise that your vision keeps alternating from clearness to darkness, that your hands are there to console you, somehow trying to absorb every evidence of pain from your face. You try, but it keeps coming back. So you give up on stopping the tears. You sit up and hug yourself as hard as you can, somehow hoping and praying this hurt will go away, that you fill find a solution out of this predicament.
You cry until there are no more tears, until all that is left is this sense of release. Even when your head starts to hurt, but you cannot cry anymore. Then and only then, will you be able to think clearly.
With every ounce of strength, you dig deep inside of you for that small but strong will you know is within you. You know that, no matter how awful you feel inside, no matter how shattered your heart is right now, the light of hope is there waiting to save you.
You find the pain which engulfed your heart a moment ago, momentarily stop, replacing itself with belief bit by bit trying to find its way back into you, mending your heart piece by piece. You find yourself with answers to questions which were impossible before. You see a better picture of what is happening, you are filled with this sense of understanding and acceptance. You literally see the light at the end of the tunnel becoming bigger and bigger. You feel this sense of love which invisibly cloaks you, hugging you.
It is a slow and lengthy process, but it will reach you. All you have to do is have patience. Allah will never let his servants alone. He will always be there to catch you when you fall.
You take a long deep breath. And you thank Allah for helping you thru this vulnerable time. For without Him, you know you'll be lost during the night. Without Him, you'd feel so insecure and uncertain. Without Him, you will not get this sense of understanding, of hope and self belief.
Thank you Allah, for giving me the guidance I so needed. Thank you Allah for helping me accept the fact that the things people say to me are actually Your way of bringing me closer to You. And that the tears which people see as a sign of weakness is actually Your way of giving me strength. Thank you Allah for reminding me, for still remembering me, for loving me. Thank you. I know I don't deserve it, but You are always there hugging me when I need You. You are always there to listen to my inner desires, to listen when I need a crying shoulder. You have been there every step of my life. Please remain with me as my life continues on here on this earth and in the hereafter. My biggest victory would be to meet with you in Paradise. Guide me so that it will become a reality one day. Ameen Ya Rabb.
This night, I found myself alone, harnessing a truck load of pain. A feeling of deep pain in my chest. I was hurting and all I wanted to do was cry. So I did.
People can be so hurtful sometimes. Either intentionally or unintentionally, it still hurts.
Why are people like this? Some people have been doing this for so long, they don't even realise it.
No matter how you inject the insult with humor, it is still an insult. You make people laugh by belittling other people's choices and wants, but don't you realise that all you are doing is putting people down. You make other people laugh, but besides that, you make more cry.
People might smile along with what you say. But you are blind to that fact that behind it all there is someone who is slowly crumbling inside. Slowly falling and collapsing into a deep dark bottomless hole.
You dont realise what that person has been thru in life. You haven't been with them through all their sorrows and tears. You haven't seen how hard is has been for them to keep fighting, to keep trying to stand up after falling back down again and again. You don't know.
So friends, please be careful in what you say to others. Even if the intention was to joke around, you don't know how they affect the other party. They might smile and laugh along, but behind it all, there might be hurt.
Don't be the cause of a persons tears.