Assalamualaikum WRT WBT
Hey everyone. I realised that Ive been procrastinating a few things in my life -- either it be big things or small ones, like writing in my blog. But today is a special day, and I have time on my hands, so Im using it.
Its Ayah's birthday today. 51 years young. Happy birthday Ayah!
Going to all sorts of programmes, KBM, JJB which have slots about parents, I rarely find myself not crying. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me the gift of tears, I am so grateful bcoz I'm still able to feel.
Our culture has never taught us to voice our feelings out loud. There's like this 'common rule' where we should conceal our feelings. More specifically, the feeling of love. Anger -- well, thats pretty common. We see ppl shouting and arguing everyday just to prove a point. But love? Its something so unfamiliar to be expressed.
Our culture molds us to show our love by our actions -- ye ke? Im just guessing. Kalau ni pun tak betul, then how is love expressed? Isnt it expressed at all?
During the parents slot in KBM or JJB, we can see how powerful words really are. If words cant be spoken, then convey it with words -- which I usually do.
So Ayah, even though I might not be able to say this in front of you (i.e. I might cry my eyes out), Im writing it down so that I'll be able to remember what I say every time I read it:
Sometimes I wonder if Ive ever shown my gratitude. For all that you've done for me, I ask myself did I ever thank you. For all my childhood memories -- the good ones, the bad, the unforgeable and the sad. But not even one ounce do I regret it. Becoz its the good memories that will last a lifetime, the bad memories that taught me to be strong, the unforgeable that I will share with my children one day and the sad which only made me love you even more.
Thank you for helping me deal with my life's stresses -- and you know Ive had quiet a few. But you were always there with encouragements and doa. Always reminding me about how Allah is always there with me, and that I should accept things as they are bcoz we dont know what Allah has in store for me. Thank you for helping me accept my defeats, even though Im bad at it. But you always make me think before I act harshly, keeping me calm before I do something silly.
Thank you for always celebrating my potential and my success. You've always believed in me. One of the many things I will always remember, is your tears of joy when I got 4As for UPSR. I know you didnt expect it from lazy old me. But the joy in your words and in your eyes has been a lasting memory till today. For all the success I gained since then, I dedicate them all to you and Mak.
Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work, good judgement, courage and being true to myself. I remember the long talks during our travels from JB-to-KL and back. You've always helped me with my decisions and keep me grounded, reminding me of my duty and how to handle people. Thank you for all the laughter and smiles you have brought to our lives.
Please dont stop praying for me. I know you wont :)
Happy 51st Birthday. We're always praying for your health and happiness. Love you Ayah! *hugs*