Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Envyy.. Jealousy.. Resentment..

Here I am.. Back again and writing in my blog. It’s been a while. I haven’t touched my blog for the last couple of days, mainly because I feel that some things in life should be kept private to ones self.
I am at the moment, sitting in front of my computer, while everyone else is sound asleep. I like it at this time. Peace and quiet, with no distractions and no one bothering you.

The last couple of days have been a blur for me. If someone asked me what I’ve been doing.. I’ll admit, I won’t be able to produce an answer. Been in a foul mood, scolding my sisters for small and silly things, always having something to fight about with my brother and mostly been shutting myself in my room with a good book.

I think it’s a record for me. I finished reading nearly 10 books in the last three days. Not like it would actually be any surprise to the other book worms out there. They might be able to finish like 10 books in only a day.. Hey, what gibberish am I talking about here?

Some people think they know me. But truthfully, they don’t.

I have absolutely no idea what to write at the moment. Just thought I could let out a few things that have been on my mind. I haven’t been able to sleep.

Sometimes, just small and little things bring out such emotion. Silly, yet such things will be stamped in your mind and lingers on. Why is it that some people think you know everything? They ask you for every solution, even to the smallest of tasks. As if I know every single thing.

I am just like any other person. Someone who is not perfect, who has flaws and does mistakes. I can sometimes say the harshest of words which probably was said with the intention of hurting another, do things without thinking, and feel regret when everything is said and done. I sometimes judge people with just one look at them, never wanting to know that person first. I sometimes dislike someone, with no apparent reason. Like everyone else, I am just human.

But there is where our fault lies. We are humans, but rarely do we want to admit fault. Rarely do we want to acknowledge our own mistakes, rarely do we want to just forgive and forget. And rarely do we want to see the positive and good side of others.

I just don’t get it. Why is it that when you fail, people are constantly on your back, and when you succeed, they are still there; continuing to annoy and hurt you the best way they possibly can.

Why is it one always becomes the green monster of envy when they see someone accomplishes something worthy? Why can’t they just be happy for them?

I realized that when you become someone successful, people around you, even a close friend would envy you. But that’s normal. I can cope with that. That’s why there’s a phrase “healthy competition”. But when such envy turns into jealousy and later resentment, I cannot accept.

When this feeling of envy finally comes to a stage of resentment, people will use everything in their power to bring you down. No matter if their tactic would take effect to the mental, emotion or (nauzubillah) physical state of others.

I heard this saying once “If you can’t beat them, bring them down” in a movie. And after my years of studying, I finally found out the real meaning behind the phrase. People will practically do just anything. Believe me. I’m talking from experience.

Friends should be happy seeing their friends succeed. Not resent them and just say things that would just bring them down. I also don’t understand the sarcasm. Is it really necessary?

Like I said, I’m not good in everything. But what these people do is find your very weakness and use it to their advantage. They’ll find something you don’t excel in and beat you. Then they rub it in your face with all the might they have in their rotten-hearted-body. I don’t know, maybe these people are just plain sick; right to their very bone.

This post is just a way of letting go of my frustration. But if you judge me by what I wrote and if you even have the slightest thought of anything other than the positive; then you are no better than them.

Are you as sick as them?

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