Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Fear of Intelligence

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I guess the time has come for another controversial post.

During high school, I was not among those who excelled. I was sort of the low profile girl. People knew me more as "anak cikgu" than actually knowing my name. Although I was in the science class (which was the "it" thing during that time), and although my classmates were those who were known for their crazily excellent results, I was sort of the sore thumb in the class. Maybe my former classmates who read this will disagree, but ofkos that was how I felt.

I sucked at my science subjects big time. I seriously disliked physics and chemistry. To me, none of it made any sense! Another subject that was not in my target list was Add Maths. OMG, I found it really really really hard. I couldnt catch up with what my teachers were trying to teach me. So in the end, I kinda just gave up. This ofkos meant that homework was out of the question. Ha ha. And failing Add Maths or Physics was a norm for me.

Yeah, I was like any normal teenager who didn't like doing her homework. Don't be so surprised :P

Being so, I didnt really enjoy my years in high school. I didn't excel in anything. Well, maybe just my relationship with the teachers, but other than that, I don't think anybody really remembers me. I bet if I find my juniors in FB and try to add them, some might actually not know who I am! Unless I say Im my mother's daughter. Hahha.

Another reason why I didn't like being in the spotlight in school was, there was this bad rumor of me being a tattle tale. Ye la, anak cikgu kan. Dahla close with the teachers, ofkos that rumor will go around the school. So because of that, I didnt really want to socialise that much. I tried, but I guess people feared me becos of this.

I've told this story about how I sucked in high school to some of my friends and majority of them don't believe me. They think Im just making it up. Haha. But that is the truth. And my SPM results was terrible for science class standards la.

If I tell my friends in Uni, they'll just laugh bcos they just can't believe the top student in our batch started off like that. Seriously, the person I am today and the girl I was in high school are two totally different people.

So when I furthered my studies, to make the story short, I excelled my uni years with rainbow colours all the way. I was also actively involved with the Student Council, I was regularly invited to give talks to the students, I was given the task of being an English tutor, I was also a Research Assistant at one time. I represented my Uni for marketing purposes in a magazine, was interviewed on TV and interviewed in the radio. My life was so full, it was overwhelming.

But this is when I started noticing something very peculiar.

When you as a girl start to excel, getting A's, getting the highest marks in a subject, getting awards and being put in the spotlight, this is when the guys start avoiding you like the plague.

Guys start feeling they are unworthy of you, they feel intimidated by you and start to avoid you at all costs (UNLESS they need your help).

I have written a few controversial posts in the past. So today I feel this urge to dare these guys who call themselves men. My question to you my brothers is: WHY are you afraid of 'intelligent' girls?

Seriously, did you really think guys would want to hang out with me? Did you think since I was popular, guys would line up to make me their girlfriend? Did you think they would try to talk to me just to have a conversation? NO.

If you look at the current situation today, the majority of students in the tertiary level are GIRLS. In a class of 50, the usual sight is only 20-30% of the class being males. In the degree level, this is the case. Im not even going to mention the post grad statistics. Because it's too sad.

But going a little down to the diploma level, all I can say is, ahaaa.. so this is where all of you are hiding. Don't get me wrong, I have NOTHING against people doing diploma. In fact, thats where I started too. From the bottom.

But the issue here is, once the diplomas are in their hands, these males no longer see the need to further their studies. Only a QUARTER of my batch during diploma continued on to degree. From degree, not even a handful of them are doing post grad studies.

I know that no one can force anyone to do things they don't want to do. No one can force an adult to go back to the books and exams once they see the money. I understand that part.

But WHY does this disinterest in getting higher education among the men, in the end, EFFECT the females who want to pursue their interest in knowledge. Just because men dont see the need to get all these qualifications, WHY do you judge the females who actually do? JUST because you are too lazy to go read books, to go thru the difficult tasks of exams, WHY do you condemn the females who are brave enough and strong enough to survive another round in this journey towards pursuing knowledge. You penalise us for it, you 'punish' us bcos of it.

Even if you think you don't do it, you still condemn us because of our education. The more a female is higher in her academic qualifications, the more men run away from them.

Why? Because they fear them, they dont want a wife who is higher than them. They dont want a wife who knows more than them, they dont want a wife who might KNOW how to argue a point.

As I see it, men who have degrees, when looking for a wife, they will always look at where they are in their academic level. If she has a degree, they'll look at what type of degree (comparing ofkos to them). If she has a diploma, then that would be awesome. SPM, might be even better since to the males, "I'll be able to teach her a LOT". Same with the diploma graduates, so on and so forth.

Then what of those who have masters? Who are doing their PhDs?

Are you saying, to get a good husband, we have to put aside our hunger for knowledge, for qualifications, our goal towards achieving a good and stable career?

I can guarantee that during the process of flipping thru eligible bachelorettes as candidates for their future wives, men can deny it as much as they want, but the thought of having a higher qualified wife will always be a no no.

BUT with the situation all around the world, with more educated females vs the males who think that getting higher education is such a hassle; where, I repeat, where is this phenomena going? The times have changed where the word sekufu now holds a very different meaning compared to the old days.

Now, no matter at what level any female is at, with the realisation of Islam throughout the world, with Islam becoming the 'it' thing now, the main thing females look for in a prospective husband is his religious knowledge. It is exactly as Rasulullah s.a.w said.

In the old days, yes. Maybe sekufu means the husbands should be superior in education, in money making, etc. But lets face it, with the world population having more educated females, how can education be one of the main issues to compare to?

But what I mean by change is, the meaning of superiority is different.today. Today, what females respect more is knowledge of Islam a male has. How many hadiths he knows, is he a hafiz, how well is his ilmu on this beautiful way of life, does he know how to speak Arabic? Is he an ahli masjid? Is he actively involved in spreading Islam? What are his practices in seeking Allah's rahmah?

All things related to the knowledge a male has on Islam is superior enough. Bcos, to me, my husband will be the one holding the responsibility of bringing the family to Jannah (our final goal and destination). So no matter how high or low his academic qualifications are, no matter how much money he makes, no matter how high or low his rank professionally, it is all mute when he is incapable of helping me achieve my goal and the goal of the family, which is to live in Paradise in the hereafter.

See what I mean?

I guess there might be some people who disagree with me. No worries. Everyone has their own opinion. Mine might also be a little bias. Since I am talking from the view point of a female. To me, an educated wife is an asset, not a burden, not something to be humiliated with. She will be responsible for your children, she will be the one yang mendidik anak-anak. How to didik with no knowledge?

So my brothers out there, set me straight if what I write here is wrong. Grow some courage and stand up for yourselves if this is not the truth.

For those who only just realised this, then my advice would be, open your eyes a little wider and forget your egos at certain times. The reason why females seems like the majority of the population isnt becos we are, its because you guys are invisible and dont see the need (or maybe are too afraid) to stand up and show yourselves.

Forgive me if this post is a little harsh. Im just disappointed in the male youths today. They are non-existent. Even if there are some, but its very few. Where are the Saidina Ali's of today? The Mus'ab bin Umair, the Khalid Al-Walid of todays younger generation?

Wake up and make difference in the world! Why can't there be more people like Aiman Azlan? (if you dont know who he is, you can always google him). Someone who makes a stand, helps in making the Islamic community a better community. Someone who is seen enthusiastic enough to help with the troubles of the Ummah.

And you ask me why Im not married yet? This is why.


  1. http://blog.sayfurrahman.com/2012/02/girls-achievements-and-guys/

    That's my comment.

  2. Thank you Umayr. Really appreciate the feedback


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