Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My emotional roller coaster

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I first started to write a post this morning, but finally abandoned it. Im not saying I dont have anything to write. In fact, tons of things have happened, but.. well, usually Im just too tired to think about what to write, how to write it and how to phrase things.

A bunch of emotions have gone thru me these past few days. Last weekend, I joined another JJB camp -- which for me was the most exhausting out of the handful of 29 hour camps we've ever done. It was exhausting mentally and emotionally. I have to admit, this was the most syahdu camp Ive ever been to yet. Although at all JJB camps, I will cry, but this specific one, it made me cry the ugly cry (as Oprah phrases it). Teresak-esak.

Sedih giler camp ni. Im not sure I am at liberty to explain why, but to resolve the confusion, I should mention the fact that among the participants of the camp were girls from a certain rumah bimbingan anak-anak perempuan. Enough said. For further explanation, maybe you should ask me in person. Ill not cerita-cerita here for everyone to read.

This was the camp that I cried the most -- which explains the emotional exhaustion. It took me two days to get rid of the headache I received as a souvenir from the camp. Hari ni baru ok sikit. But Im still vulnerable. Over sensitive as you might phrase it.

Team JJB with AJK Belia 4B Felda Taib Andak
(yang perempuan semua muka baru lepas nangis, he he)

But as always, it was a very memorable experience. Seronok tu mmg la seronok, tp yang penting niat kite join dlm gerak kerja dakwah ni. Kene selalu betulkan balik niat.

Other than that emotion, right now there's this uncomfortable feeling. Yang ni lagi la takleh nak cite kat sini. Only a handful of ppl know about this issue. But InsyaAllah its no longer going to be an issue after this. Hopefully. Ameenn.

Next. I just found out that a friend is getting married next year. As much as I am happy for this friend of mine, I am sad to say that Im a little disappointed and broken-hearted. Enough said.

Moving on, Im feeling a little down about something related to work -- as in my search for what people call 'real' work. For those who think I havent been putting an effort in it, you're dead wrong. Its not that I "tanak cari kerja tetap", its "I keep getting rejections". I have a list if you want to see it. And Im at the point of giving up and accepting Aliya's offer. Everytime I listen to Maher Zain's song titled InsyaAllah, I cry. Especially today when I hear ppl implying that Im not doing anything, seolah-olah aku mmg taknak keje. Jatuh motivasi aku. Sedih tau tak.

I told you Im in a vulnerable emotional state. Tengah low self esteem.

Ugh. I hate it when this happens.

But sometimes we need to suffer, for us to understand the meaning of happiness.
Sometimes we need to feel disappointment, for us to understand the meaning of success. Sometimes we need to cry, to understand the meaning of being grateful for what we have been given, and sometimes we need to get hurt, to understand who we really are.


  1. what is a "real job"?? isn't anything that you make money from considered a job?

    the unemployment issue among graduates has been a problem in malaysia for ages. sejak kita sekolah lagi. coz too many people get into university but the jobs created aren't equal to that. so it's the gomen's fault..not you.

    u will see ramai org with jobs that takde kaitan2 dgn degree dia. i know a lot of our alumni that have jobs that takde kaitan ngan degree dia. ada yg belajar law lama giler..tp tak jadi lawyer pun. i know people yg cari kerja 2-3 tahun baru dpt.

    so don't feel bad... kalau ada rezeki tu..ada la. and rezeki dtg in ways that you cannot imagine or expect. have trust in Allah.

  2. i am one of those ppl reading law tp tak jadi lawyer hehehe (tak semesti kena jd lawyer tau!:) yeah i know aliya was explaining the point that many have jobs that takde kaitan ngan degree dia ..doctors pun ade yg jadi PTD..itu lagi lari jauh tuu heheh)

    i am not in the position to comment on those uncomfortable feelings:), but i guess i can share some successful tips on finding the job.

    i'm sure u have try ur best, the art of finding job differs from one industry to another, and country too

    some general tips (in case u havent done em)

    1)try all avenue

    some jobseekers update their CV via jobstreet/monster etc and click je bila ade openings, thats ok but not good enuf,

    try postal, fax, email, in fact when emailing you can c.c to the CEO/MD - a friend,within 2 weeks terus dpt kerje, so happens the CEO read his email, bukan kenal@pernah jumpa pun, rezeki

    2)meet them

    if you r really determine to join a certain company, you can arrange for an appointment, for them to consider ur application, meet them in person

    3)get in touch with the ppl from the industry

    how things work in malaysia, u need to know ppl, ur networking, some to extent sape paling baik punye kipas, to survive in the industry, networking, kipas, tahu buat kerja is the best combination

    this is important, the job, the money ( ur earning) the experience, what is the most important thing, some desperately need the money, so ape2 keje pun ok, ade nak big companies je, so tak mau apply kat yg cikai2

    6) talk to the HR ppl

    as we all know, the HR ppl dont have time to read those thousands of applications,ask them for tips, what key words they want in the CV

    mesti dah buat semua ni kan!

    its obvious tht u r very active dlm dakwah, i'm sure pakcik makcik akan tlg (some ade company)

    for a high achiever like you, it may take time for them to discover you:)

    all the best!

    * i'm wiritng in light of the industry, bukan dlm bidang academic (lecturer) if thts ur aim, dh cerite lain laaa heheh

  3. hahaha masyitah. i didn't even remember that you're not working as a lawyer anymore! eh but before this you were one for a while though.

    jgn terasa ek..i wasn't thinking of you when I wrote the above comment

    PTD tu apa?
    heck, doctors are the most notorious. jadi politician! :d

  4. tak terasa langsung hehe, in fact mase baca ur comment, gelak sorang2 tgh2mlm (the part yg tak jd loyer) *sambil risau keje tak siap tapi males nak buat* hehehe

    PTD is pegawai tadbir dan diplomatik a.k.a pegawai tidur duduk, pegawai takde duit, pegawai tahu dengki or whatever they call it ehhehhee

    kalu nak jadi diplomat/duta kena jadi PTD, kalu nak jadi highest level in civil service ie Ketua Setiausaha Negara, kena jadi PTD, Ketua Setiausaha kementerian, PTD ( the one that heads the ministry)

    doctors tak suka PTD :) for the obvious reason, they runs the country, they make the policies (of la kena consult ngn minister dulu ape2 pun)

    lagi satu sbb PTD cepat naik, tp now nie doctors pun lepas houseman dh dpt 44, dulu tunggu la brthn2 lama...

    one time my fren pegi klinik gomen, doctor tanya kerje ape, dia kate PT pastu doktor tu ckp la nasib baik bukan PTD, dia tak suka PTD la n cerite2 mcm ana cerite kt atas ni, and yeah, my sis included la kan tak suka PTD hehehe sbb ade incompetant PTD yang handle confirmation dia, kenaikan pangkat etc

    biasala kan, cant please everyone:)

    sorry myra, i hogged ur space,again hehe


Did you like that post? Please share your thoughts