YaAllah Please Help Me

I just want to crawl somewhere and disappear for a while. I need to get away. Away from this. I dont want to think about it anymore!

Yeah, this useless feeling is slowly creeping back and Im afraid its going to stay with me longer this time around. Its too tiring. I want it to go away!

I have no idea what to do now.

What are dreams when everything you've planned is suddenly taken from right under you? Its so scary.

Why should I go on?

People say that Im strong, that Im a fighter. But am I really? Or am I the type that gives up at the first sign of failure? I dont know anymore.

Rejection after rejection after rejection. Im starting to lose hope. This might not be the path for me. So what is? I dont know anymore. Im lost.

Im tired of crying. Oh yeah, Im a better actor than I thought. I smile and laugh when inside my heart is just breaking into pieces. Damn. I hate this. I hate crying till my head hurts. I hate crying myself to sleep.

I need distractions. Yes, that it. Distractions. I need to keep busy. Ill deal with this when Im ready. Im not ready just yet. Please stop with the questions. I dont know how to answer anymore.

Ya Allah please help me. I need Your guidance and love. Please show me the right path.