My emotional roller coaster

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

I first started to write a post this morning, but finally abandoned it. Im not saying I dont have anything to write. In fact, tons of things have happened, but.. well, usually Im just too tired to think about what to write, how to write it and how to phrase things.

A bunch of emotions have gone thru me these past few days. Last weekend, I joined another JJB camp -- which for me was the most exhausting out of the handful of 29 hour camps we've ever done. It was exhausting mentally and emotionally. I have to admit, this was the most syahdu camp Ive ever been to yet. Although at all JJB camps, I will cry, but this specific one, it made me cry the ugly cry (as Oprah phrases it). Teresak-esak.

Sedih giler camp ni. Im not sure I am at liberty to explain why, but to resolve the confusion, I should mention the fact that among the participants of the camp were girls from a certain rumah bimbingan anak-anak perempuan. Enough said. For further explanation, maybe you should ask me in person. Ill not cerita-cerita here for everyone to read.

This was the camp that I cried the most -- which explains the emotional exhaustion. It took me two days to get rid of the headache I received as a souvenir from the camp. Hari ni baru ok sikit. But Im still vulnerable. Over sensitive as you might phrase it.

Team JJB with AJK Belia 4B Felda Taib Andak
(yang perempuan semua muka baru lepas nangis, he he)

But as always, it was a very memorable experience. Seronok tu mmg la seronok, tp yang penting niat kite join dlm gerak kerja dakwah ni. Kene selalu betulkan balik niat.

Other than that emotion, right now there's this uncomfortable feeling. Yang ni lagi la takleh nak cite kat sini. Only a handful of ppl know about this issue. But InsyaAllah its no longer going to be an issue after this. Hopefully. Ameenn.

Next. I just found out that a friend is getting married next year. As much as I am happy for this friend of mine, I am sad to say that Im a little disappointed and broken-hearted. Enough said.

Moving on, Im feeling a little down about something related to work -- as in my search for what people call 'real' work. For those who think I havent been putting an effort in it, you're dead wrong. Its not that I "tanak cari kerja tetap", its "I keep getting rejections". I have a list if you want to see it. And Im at the point of giving up and accepting Aliya's offer. Everytime I listen to Maher Zain's song titled InsyaAllah, I cry. Especially today when I hear ppl implying that Im not doing anything, seolah-olah aku mmg taknak keje. Jatuh motivasi aku. Sedih tau tak.

I told you Im in a vulnerable emotional state. Tengah low self esteem.

Ugh. I hate it when this happens.

But sometimes we need to suffer, for us to understand the meaning of happiness.
Sometimes we need to feel disappointment, for us to understand the meaning of success. Sometimes we need to cry, to understand the meaning of being grateful for what we have been given, and sometimes we need to get hurt, to understand who we really are.