The Big Elephant

*Ignore this post if you dont want to read a silly girl freak out* Im serious.

Well, I better get the big elephant out of the way. The big two-five is finally just around the corner. And I might just be starting to freak out.

Yeah yeah, well.. you know me, the big "drama queen". But come on. Reaching the two-five makes you realise that you have completed 25 years of your life. Its like a mildstone, a phase where you are expected to achieve something with ur life.

And where am I? Im practically back at home, jobless, penniless, and miserable. How pathetic is that? Real real pathetic.

The two-five birthday is supposed to represent an important juncture before that big three-O that you hope to achieve by the 30th year. When you hit thirty, you are supposed to be happily married with a good job and a nice house.

By the 25th year, people hope that they are well on their way to get settled within 5 years. It is the time to celebrate and appreciate the path that you have taken out to achieve your dreams. The 25th birthday signifies stability and foundation.

Which pathetically I dont have.

Daymmn this is sad.

But I do kinda have mixed feelings about this auspicious (yeah right *roll-eyes*) day. On a happier note, Im glad to say that Ive very much changed into someone much better than I was a year ago. I pray that Im constantly on the path to become a better servant, a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend InsyaAllah.

Im glad to report that people will see some change in my manner, my fikrah and my maturity. Im crossing my fingers on the last one :P Haha.

Eventhough, technically and emotionally I was more confident with myself a year ago, but give me some credit for trying to recover it right now. Im still working on it, so please pray that I become the strong, independent and confident women I used to be. I guess thats life -- it teachers you, it changes you and it hopefully makes you into someone better.

I wont say that the experiences Ive been thru has damaged me. I'd say that it made me look at the world a little differently. Im no longer the naive little girl who tot life was going to be easy. Boy, was I wrong. Having ur dreams shattered in front of ur very eyes tends to do that. Haha.

But all in all, a part of me is glad with what the past year has brought me. Im hoping the year to come to be filled with more experiences. Good and memorable ones I hope. Im tired of crying.

25 huh? Wau. Wierd. And Scary.

To think that my target to settle down was 22 during high school. That certainly isnt a target I will ever achieve. Haha.

To those who are thinking to surprise me or something, please dont. I think Im too old for that. Besides, I have to confess that Im more observant than usual during this time of the year. My detection radar is running at full pace, so nothing really gets by me. I doubt the success of it. Haha :P

To those who are thinking of buying me something special, by all means, please do. Hahahhaha :P. But a prayer for me would suit me much better (I wonder if this is really true? Hahaha)

To those who are thinking to konon-konon forget my birthday, please dont. It'll make me think that you've forgotten me oredi. Help my self esteem by at least acknowledging the day I was brought into the world.

I dont think Ill be celebrating this year. Why? Bcoz Ill have to go to Segamat for a Jom Jadi Bijak Camp. As a fasi, not a peserta.