Distractions Part 1

After so long wanting to go mandi manda at a waterfall, finally it was able to be done. A bunch of us (Alumni SMIH) who were at home came together for a rehlah at Air Terjun Kota Tinggi -- bout an hour drive from our neighbourhood. A Girls Day Out.

It was a blast! I had the flu, my head was hurting, my sinuses were working up, my chest hurt coz of coughing too much, but the trip was SO worthwhile I tell you. A great distraction.

Thanks girls! I needed that. It was a day filled with honest pleasure. A great feeling to be honestly happy and enjoying one's self. Didnt have to pretend I was happy for one bit.

So, picture time!

YaAllah Please Help Me

I just want to crawl somewhere and disappear for a while. I need to get away. Away from this. I dont want to think about it anymore!

Yeah, this useless feeling is slowly creeping back and Im afraid its going to stay with me longer this time around. Its too tiring. I want it to go away!

I have no idea what to do now.

What are dreams when everything you've planned is suddenly taken from right under you? Its so scary.

Why should I go on?

People say that Im strong, that Im a fighter. But am I really? Or am I the type that gives up at the first sign of failure? I dont know anymore.

Rejection after rejection after rejection. Im starting to lose hope. This might not be the path for me. So what is? I dont know anymore. Im lost.

Im tired of crying. Oh yeah, Im a better actor than I thought. I smile and laugh when inside my heart is just breaking into pieces. Damn. I hate this. I hate crying till my head hurts. I hate crying myself to sleep.

I need distractions. Yes, that it. Distractions. I need to keep busy. Ill deal with this when Im ready. Im not ready just yet. Please stop with the questions. I dont know how to answer anymore.

Ya Allah please help me. I need Your guidance and love. Please show me the right path.

Broken

The lyrics of this song might not really relate to how Im feeling at the moment, but the tone of the song does, and so does its title. Ive always liked this song, I dunno why -- in a rebellious sort of way.



Broken - Seether (feat. Amy Lee)

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore