Taking the First Step

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Let me start this post with this ayat:

Allah says:

"For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah . Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron." (Ar-Rad: 11)

It is a known fact: once you stop doing any type of writing, you'll take an even longer time to restart. Unless ofkos you have a strong will and even stronger determination. Not to mention the discipline. That's one of the things I am lacking Im afraid. Discipline :(

It was known by my friends in uni, how NOT last minute I am at any sort of work. I'm always one of the guys who relaxes on due dates. Oh, dont get me wrong, ofkos the night before the due date I would still stay up. But the workload and stress beforehand was not as severely equivalent to my other friends.

So it is such a mystery how this "last-minute" attitude has somewhat grown into me AFTER I finished university. Last minute, procrastinating, regretting starting a project late -- you name it. It's my current practice. I am so ashamed to admit this out loud, but to start afresh, to step forward in doing things differently, to simply CHANGE, we have to admit our faults first. Which is what I am doing.

I am so bummed at how much time I have wasted, just doing nothing. Eh wait, its not like Im doing NOTHING, I have tons to do, and I do them. They are all completed in the end. Its just that, I take too much time doing things that are not priority, that I sometimes miss out on more important stuff, more important due dates. Then ofkos, I think back and regret it all.

There are times when you regret putting off doing things, that in the end the work load gets to you and overwhelms you. And sometimes you forget and decide to not do it altogether.

One of the most celebrated geniuses today, Mr Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Islam teaches us to be better individuals today compared to yesterday, and make tomorrow better than today. This is well known by all, not only Muslims.

These two quotes convey a similar meaning when we think about it. What can be derived is about how we as people should strive to be better each and everyday. Learn from the mistakes we make, and don't repeat a situation where you will get the same results.

Which makes me wonder how I became like this. How on earth did I end up with this sort of practice? WHY am I not focused on the important things in life?

There are a couple of things I can list down that I have started, but have not finished. Not yet anyway. And it seems like these small but important 'projects' have been put on hold indefinitely. Makes me real sad when I think back.

So here I am, determined to change back to my former student-life. I was on a roll in my uni days. Why can't I be like that anymore? What made me change? This needs some major reflection.

Please pray that I'll be able to get rid of this toxic attitude. I personally hate it because it is ruining my life. So I need to do something about it. I NEED to make myself disciplined again. I cannot procrastinate my work. Pray for me ok. I need all the help I can get.