A Tug in Your Heart

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

As I sit trying to blog, I find myself opening a sad instrumental song. And ofkos what we listen to at a specific time will always influence our emotion. And this melody, although so beautiful is making me think of so many sad things.

When I close my eyes, its like everything that has ever made me sad, made me cry, is passing before my eyes. Reluctantly, you feel so vulnerable.

Have you ever felt like you'd just want to cry more and more during upsetting events in life. Even though you already know you're sad, you just want to feel awful and force every single tear out of you.

Have you ever felt so lost and so far away from Allah that you think He won't listen to you anymore, that He has forgotten about you and that all your prayers are like bubbles in the wind - so fragile and insignificant? You feel the distance between you and Him is getting wider and wider that you have no idea how to feel worthy anymore. You feel like your prayers five times a day is so routine that you can't feel Him with you with every sujud and ruqu'. You feel like your prayer after solat is just something you repeat every single day that the meaning behind what you are saying doesnt affect you anymore.

You feel that something is wrong with you, that you've done so many sins that you are just like a speck in the wind.

You start thinking about what will happen to you if your life is suddenly taken. Consequences of past actions that you havent asked for forgiveness yet. You think about how to survive His wrath, His anger and His warnings. You feel like crying your heart out. You feel that you need to do something to get rid of this awful feeling, to get out of this disappointing situation.

Have you ever once felt that way? I have. There are always times these thoughts creep into my head.

But dear friends, please don't worry if you have felt the same way. In life, there are always times when we feel like jumping off a cliff. There will be times when you just want to stay under the covers, just be alone and think. There will be days when all you want to do is cry, that you want nothing to do with what's happening in your life. The feeling of running away from life, get out and not think.

There will be a time when you just need a good shout to release what you've been keeping inside. That's what it means by being Human.

Allah says:

“....And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly, no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve.” Yusuf : 87

Dearest friends, these emotions are gifts from Allah. He made us feel sad, He made us feel guilty for past mistakes, He made that tug in our heart, He made those tears come out. And it is with these emotions we rethink our life, the journey we are on whether it is towards the right path or not.

It is with these feelings, Allah is reminding us of Him. Making us reflect on what we have been doing, letting us know that He wants us to come back to Him. So never ever give up on Him.

Allah says:

“And whosoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” An-Nisa: 110. 

So be grateful for those tears. For all the emotions we feel. Be grateful just because we can feel. Crying cleanses the soul. So do not be embarrassed by your tears.

Just remember, tears that are evoked by the fear of death will be the source that saves us from the fires in hell. May it be a reminder to us all.


p/s: I attach the song I was listening to when I wrote this post

Betrayal by the Ones You Love

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Friendship. When I say the word, there would be a few people whom will automatically appear in my head. These people are the ones who I hold close to my heart, whom I hold in very high regard, the people I turn to when I’m in distress. Friendship to me is very important to have a good and peaceful life, not to mention joyous as well.

But, what happens when your friendship is tested to the very last hurdle? Where you struggle to control your inner beast, where it makes the green monster in you want to appear and wreck everything in your path without any thought? What happens when all that you think about is “I had enough!” and all you want to do is have nothing in common?

When you have a friend whom you have known for three years, whom have faced the ups and downs together, whom have been by each others side when needed, it does not necessarily promise that you will stay as close as that in the years to come. I don’t think that anyone can promise to stay friends forever. Coz for me, whoever says such a thing is trying to promise something that they cannot keep.

What happens when in the years to come, one of you betray the other? This person, whom you have been in close contact with for so long, suddenly breaks your heart and has no feeling of regret in them?

It’s sad that there are such situations happening today. You just don’t expect such things to happen in your life. Inside, you just can’t believe that the person you considered a good friend would do such a thing. Man.. It’s so sad.

Yes, we know that friendship is incomplete without its ups and downs. We usually take the downs as something positive, and we rise up to become a better person inside out. But, we must remember that we are all still human. A human with feelings and needs.

“For a wound needs time to heal, but once it heals it doesn’t guarantee it will leave no scar”

However we try to heal a wounded heart, what makes you think the damage of a scar is not left behind? When things happen, it’s practically hard to be forgotten. The hurt will still linger, the amount of pain still remembered. Usually, with these hurts and pains people use as experience in the future. If a friend betrays you, it would be very hard to gain back their trust. There will always be a barrier. Nothing will ever be the same again. A fact of life we should all remember.

Oh how I wish such situations don’t exist. How I wish I could change the things happening in this cruel world. Yes, it is a cruel world isn’t it. But the responsibility rests on OUR shoulders to make the change. How? By instilling the RIGHT Islamic practice. By being examples of how Islam really is.

Like as our Prophet said:

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said : "A muslim is a brother to a Muslim: Neither he wrongs him, nor hands him over (to another). And whoso comes in need of his brother , Allah comes in his need ;and whoso removes a calamity of a Muslim, Allah will remove a calamity from the calamities of the Resurrection Day, and whoso conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his sins on the Resurrection Day'"(Bukhari and Muslim)

So my dear friends,

Reality check: How do we really treat our friends? Let's sit down, reflect and think about it.

Starting 2012 with a Huge Burden on My Shoulders

Assalamualaikum WRT WBT

Ok, let me get the cobwebs out of the way. Oh my, there's a heap of dust. Vacuum! And the pile of used paper -- ok, in the recycle bin! *dust* *dust* *dust*. Alright, all done.

Heya folks. Im BACK! Sorry for such a lengthy 'vacation'. This time, there's no concrete excuse to why Ive been ignoring my blog. Sorry blog. Sorry avid readers (as if I have any).

Let me start by wishing everyone Happy 2012. Although it doesnt really feel that different (unless you make it different). Lots of people welcomed 2012 with friends, going out doing God knows what. Others went to majlis ilmu, prayed and made the best for the beginning of the new year. Me? I celebrated with my pillow, in bed. Which is why I wasn't very grateful for the fireworks from 12.00a.m. to 12.30a.m.

I remember last year, on the night before new years, a bunch of friends and I, with IKRAM Youth Johor went out to JB as the task force for preventing unwanted maksiat. We went to Danga Bay, Dataran Bandaraya to give out leaflets about "turning a new leaf". This year? Hehe.. Everyone was kinda busy. And since the grown-ups had another programme, we didnt have the guts to go venture out without our bodyguards.

This new year, Im not going to say that I have new resolutions. It has never been a practice of mine to list out what I want to accomplish in the new year. Maybe I should start. Even so, I dont think Im going to list them out here. Hehe.. that part is private. I would just appreciate it if everyone can pray for me, and pray that I will always have the enthusiasm and will power to strive for the things on my list.

I have to say that there might be some major changes to my studies. A week ago, my supervisor asked me to think about switching research areas i.e. switch from Educational Technology to Engineering Education. I haven't really made up my mind just yet. I need Allah's guidance on that. But this change is very much relevant to the research I am doing. I find myself better understanding the research when I focus on engineering education. I see the big picture. I see where the research is going. Yet, I haven't decided. Because the cons of changing faculties is that I will have to attend more classes, AND I'd have to extend another semester before I can go thru my proposal defense. But, if Im being honest with myself, even if I dont decide to change my area of research, let's face it, its not like I am ready to present my proposal this semester anyway. I'm practically lost just trying to understand the tons of educational theories, minus the other parts of the research I have to cover.

So I attach the doa for Solat Istikharah for everyone. May it be a doa everyone can use and practice every time we have to decide on things in life.

0h Allah, I ask of You the good through Your knowledge and I ask You to grant me ability through Your power and beg Your favour of infinite bounty, for surely, You have power and I have none, You know all and I know nothing and You are the Knower of all that is hidden. 0h Allah if in Your knowledge, this matter be good for my faith (Din), my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then ordain it for me and facilitate it from me and grant me blessing in it. But, if in Your knowledge this matter is bad for my faith, my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs in the world and the Hereafter, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased with it.

That is what's on my shoulders at the beginning of 2012. Like it or not, a decision must be made in a couple of days. So here goes. Pray for me.