Friday, June 30, 2006

Learning to let go

“You have to learn to let go”

Those were the words that made me think. Words that were voiced out by Ms Jann

Remember the post where I said that I'm in a dilema about this post thingy? Well, I'm not anymore. Ms Jann finally straightened me out. She's right you know. I really NEED to learn to let go.

I've been in this Student Council business far too long. 3 years mann! Whoever can survive more than that is certainly a robot. The first year was great, I held the Asst. Secretary post. Which was quite tough actually. But it was fun. When I was re-elected for another higher post the year after that, from secretary to Vice President, it became somewhat of a challenge. A challenge for me to be someone better, to make a difference, to do something and bring impact. It was fun too.

But then came the 3rd year. Re-elected again, with the same post (no one wants a lady president mind you ^_^) It was indeed an honour, but unfortunately the fun of it ran out. I was drained, I was tired, exhausted and just plain worn out.

I didnt really want this post. I didnt want to become Vice President again. Although this was with another bunch of new faces, I've been thru too much already to go thru it again. Why did I still take the post? Because of our beloved Ms Puteri. I owed her something. I owed her this. That was the soul purpose of it. If it wasnt for her, I would have let go a long time ago.

Now that she's gone, I have no other reason to continue.

What other reason is there?
For the students? Oh please, some of them dont even like me. Why should I?
For the lecturers? I dont think this has anything to do with them
For the purpose of making a difference? Come on, I'm not as naive as I used to be. I've already made my difference. Now that the management has changed, "difference" would be a word unheard of.
For the purpose of getting experience?? You have got to be kidding me. I've had 3 damn years! I've had enough.
For helping out the management?? This would be the last reason on my list. I've devoted 3 years in this business, I've been helping out as hard as I can, as dedicated as I can. Don't expect me to go into it again for the purpose of HELPING out the management. If I do this, then I'm stupid. Why the heck should I so-call devote myself for the sake of making the management's job easier?? I wont let myself become an object for other people's sick purpose.

I've been in this business far too long. Sometimes, its just hard to imagine life in UNIKL without a post. I'd be lying if I said that I didnt want to become someone important. The other day, I nearly sacrificed my holidays for a task that wasnt really mine. I was having second thoughts about it. But Ms Jann finally made me realize that I'm just too attached. So I need to learn to let go.

Thank you Ms =) I am indeed grateful.

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