Thursday, October 13, 2005

My Depression Week

Let us continue shall we? Ok, so the week after the sports carnival unfortunately was my depression week. Since the carnival lasted for two days, we all still had to attend kuliah on Monday. I arrived at class exhausted. It was clearly shown on my face because many people yang tegur.

The day was okey, until I found myself sitting alone in the JPP Meeting room looking at the Sports photo's. I sadly realized that there wasn't evidence that I was even present for those two days. My picture tak sampai kiraan sebelah tangan pun. That feeling of sadness finally lead to disappointment when I recalled the speech from the Project Manager who never even thanked me nor even mentioned my name. Sedihnye. Penat kita buat keje. Terkejar sana terkejar sini, but no one had the decency to say thank you. How pathetic is that?

I was still able to control my emotions by then, I was just feeling down. Then during lunch hour, some of the boys came into the JPP Room to see the pictures in my laptop. After dah kecoh2 tengok, I was left alone again. Then came a junior of mine who came to me and repeated a few things people are saying about me behind my back. For instance, “..tak puas hati la, kakmira tak reti handle..”. Then this junior told me that my name was effected bcoz of this stupid sports carnival.

I’d like to ask you, how would you feel if with already a disappointed feeling inside, someone came to you and said that? I was at that moment exhausted of doing tasks which wasn’t mine in the first place and with a feeling of not being appreciated, how would you feel? At that time, I just couldn’t control myself. I left the room until I was able to control myself. I also went down to express my depression to Ms Put. That was the last straw, I was officially depressed.

I wasn’t mad at the people who said bad things about me, I wasn’t angry. I was just sad. They don’t really know what I had to go thru to make the stupid sports carnival go on as it went. The hardship I had to go thru to find a canopy and P.A System which the useless project manager didn’t put in the budget. Could you imagine how frustrating it was trying to find the money for that? Was the project manager even concerned about such things? NO, he didn’t even care. Die yang tak masukkan budget, saya yang kene. Menyusahkan org btul. I had to go all the way to PORT KLANG to borrow the canopy. I had to go see the P.A System punye orang on a SATURDAY, just so that the sports opening ceremony would go as planned. I had to go all the way to Wangsa Maju to find helium for the balloon releasing ceremony. At the same time, I still had my assignments, tests and quizzes. Same as the other student. I had to juggle my tasks. But was I appreciated? NO. Not one single bit.

I’m not trying to bring up the things I have done and sacrificed. But when people say things behind ur back without knowing the real situation, you just give up.

Did I mention that the election was also running at the same time? My name was nominated again. But after what happened, I didn’t have ANY enthusiasm to compete. I even made a decision to withdraw from the competition. But people wouldn’t let me. Come one, I’m tired. I’ve been a Student Representative Council member for two years already, I’ve had enough. I need a rest for once in a while.

People say I don’t know how to do my job, then please let me withdraw and go low-profile for a while. I’ve had enough, with the bad experience I had with the previous group, I don’t want to anymore. But, permission wasn’t granted from the HEP. They said that this time the group of people were different, so it would be a new and fresh experience. So I was to compete, but with a huge reluctance.

Man.. what a bad week. I cried most of the time. During the manifesto delivery, I requested to speak last. In the line of 16 candidates, only two people was with experience. Me and Syed. I was the only one from the previous group of SRC. So En Kasman let me talk last.

My speech was different compared to the others whom were excited and enthusiastic. I was depressed and sad during that time, so my speech conveyed such emotion. Let me write down my speech.

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt
First of all, thank you for coming.
I have nothing much to say, only that I have had many experiences dealing with students and the management. I have fought for them, I have had the experience of defending them.

It’s really sad to hear students say I don’t know how to do my job. I don’t mind really, its just that many don’t know how hard it really is. We are dealing with human beings. Just remembers, we’re never able to satisfy every single one of you. NO

Running for JPP is not for popularity, not for free things, not for publicity. NO. Its is a very BIG and HEAVY responsibility. Don’t fight for the wrong reasons. I don’t want anyone of you to fight for the wrong reasons. Fight becoz you know you are capable of holding this huge responsibility and able to face what is to come in the future.

Since people say I don’t know how to do my job, with this I would like to take the opportunity to apologize for any weaknesses from my part.

But if you still see me as a capable candidate, if you still believe I can fight for you, I can defend your rights, then by all means, you can vote for me.

Thank you.

Fuh. How did you find my speech? I said that with full emotion. The big letters were the places where I stressed my intonation. During the whole time, I was controlling not to cry. I was THAT sad and depressed. The whole library was totally quiet. Some were watching my face, others were looking at the floor avoiding my eyes.

After my speech, I felt refreshed. Maybe I just needed to let it all out. I was able to smile once in a while again.

Ok, I’ll continue after this..

No comments:

Post a Comment

Did you like that post? Please share your thoughts